Texas Chainsaw Massacre: An Inbreeders Tale. What? That wasn’t the title of this movie? Well it should have been because the two hillbillies that sat behind me during this screening sounded as ignorant as the characters on screen and they loved it. I, on the other hand, found this gore filled drivel a waste of time considering there are exactly ZERO scares and nothing remotely close to making this a worthwhile watch.
So, this is supposed to tell the story of the birth of Leatherface eh? Well, after the first 10 minutes of the film we have that part out of the way. The baby is born, discarded, cared for, given a job at the meat packing plant and finally laid off when said plant closes and the town goes dormant. This last little incident has something of a negative effect on good old Thomas Hewitt, a.ka. Leatherface. Instead of anything remotely sane he decides this means time to kill, which I am sure would now be compared to any untrained redneck losing his/her Walmart. Nevertheless, I don’t think they would go this crazy. Hell, it even gives Tommy’s wacked out “family” reason to kill and cannibalize as well.
Cue our four victims. Chrissie (Jordana Brewster), her boyfriend Eric (Matthew Bomer), Bailey (Diora Baird) and her boyfriend and Eric’s younger brother, Dean (Taylor Handley), are hitting the road for one last getaway before Eric and Dean join the fight in Vietnam. Unfortunately, this road trip follows the same route as most when it decides to go wandering through a damned near deserted town and stop off for some souvenirs at the local shit hole. Come on, we all do this. Right? This is when Bailey tells Chrissie that Dean is going to dodge the draft and they are heading to Mexico, a plot point soon to become irrelevant.
After being scared by some bikers, yeah bikers, they hang out at shit holes in deserted towns, our four friends jump back on the road, that is until they get chased, crash and are on their way to becoming dinner at the Hewitt household.
Worried I gave too much away? Well maybe I did, deal with it. This is the best way to experience this movie. However, if you are still inclined to check it out you will learn that this is just the opening to the film and the only real story to be found. From this point forward all you get is gore, and needless gore at that. Once you hit the skinning sequence you may have the same experience I did as no less than 10 people got up and left. Perhaps these geniuses didn’t read the title of the movie… Texas Chainsaw Massacre! What the hell did you think was going to happen? A robbing of a Dallas Home Depot?
I expected gore, but I also hoped for a story creepier than scary inbreeding rednecks that eat people. At least it did offer the chance for Chrissie’s character to ask, “Do you fuck all your cousins or just the good-looking ones?” The line is classic and thankfully it comes rather deep into the 84 minute film, which if it was any longer I may have had to walk out myself.
