Girl’s Best Friend: ‘New In Town’

Renee Zellweger in New in Town

Photo: Lionsgate
Lie to her if you have to. Tell her you like her hair, her ass doesn’t look fat in those jeans, her mother is aces, you’re so excited about planning the wedding, yes, you prefer conversation to texting, no, her coworkers aren’t as hot as her and you actually did get rid of your PlayStation/porn collection/penchant for farting in public and/or laughing at old people. She will put on blinders and believe you, because she wants to. But after all that lying to save your ass, you better be ready to put in some time doing exactly what she wants. How much time, you ask? At least 90 minutes per week. In preparation for all your little white lies, here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

We’re finally about to exit January, the romantic movie vacuum! With a swift goodbye to the chill of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, we get face-slapped with an influx of Valentine’s Day box office fodder. For the next month, you better just put aside a movie allowance–because Renee Zellweger is back with New in Town.

Why she might want to see it: Remember what I just said about January?

Why you might not: Remember what I just said about February?

The silver lining: You don’t have to lie when you say you know the plot: Woman who is–wait for it–new in town, falls for someone who’s gonna “show her the ropes.” How ironic that she has to go to Minnesota in the winter to warm her frigid heart!!

Tips for the untrained:

  • This film co-stars Harry Connick Jr., who was nominated (didn’t win) for a Blockbuster Entertainment Award in 1999. True story, real award. But don’t make jokes about the leading man in front of your leading lady–whether she finds him handsome or not, there is something alluring about a mid-west gentleman.
  • Written by the same guy who wrote Sweet Home Alabama (C.Jay Cox), New in Town should offer the same caricatures of small-town life that made that movie memorable. If you’re from Minnesota, start comparing what’s true and false. If you’re not from Minnesota, start making blanket presumptions about everyone from there. We may be in a so-called post-racial America, but social stereotypes are still A-OK, thank goodness.
  • But cold weather isn’t all bad–it gives you a reason to snuggle, a reason to stay indoors…and potential for another GBF-inspired theme night! So ya like Minnesota? Juno, Fargo and Miracle: That Hockey Movie all take place in that adorable little state. Start with Renee if you have to, but get thee to Blockbuster or Netflix and make the most out of the weekend.

Honestly, I can barely think about this movie, because I just saw the trailer to The Proposal, which doesn’t open until June and which actually looks hilarious. That’s right–a good rom-com! Weird! But since The Proposal is not yet here but love is (trying to be) in the air, should your chica wish for some cinematic stimulation other than Harry Connick Jr. and/or your porn collection, you do have a few options.

Taken with Liam Neeson looks feisty and kind of exciting, should a quickening of the pulse be her speed; and if you LOVED middle school and awkward high school moments, check out Frenchie fest favorite, The Class (Entre les murs) which opens in limited release this week and will put any education you thought you suffered through to shame. All else fails…there is always Skinemax.

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