I don’t know the last time a weekend was this bleak. They should’ve offered movies at half price, or maybe a free Slurpee with every ticket purchased. I don’t know, I’m not a marketer, but if I owned a lemonade stand that no one ever came too I’d sure as hell start offering bourbon too.
1. The Covenant $9.0m (My rank:#1, $3.0m Off)
Not one film hit double digits. The studios should have just taken the weekend off and shown educational films or something. The good news is I’m back on top predicting the #1 film, a new streak is born.
2. Hollywoodland $6.0m (My rank:#4, $.2m Off)
I nailed the dollars but underestimated just how bad this weekend would be. Football really owes Hollywood some money because people stayed in. More bad news for movies, Hollywood land essentially made nothing as studios spend $6m on birthday parties for studio execs secretaries. What I’m saying here is this #2 finish isn’t so hot.
3. Invincible $5.7m (My rank:#3, $2.3m Off)
Nice to see this one finally fall. It turns out that title was a lie.
4. The Protector $5.0m (My rank:#2, $3.5m Off)
This really bit it, where were all the fighting fans? Or the fans of people protecting others? Whatever the case no one saw this one either, a continuing theme in this week’s recap.
5. Crank $4.8m (My rank:#6, $.1m Off)
Crank it up! Maybe this and The Protector split the tiny audience. Who is looking forward to the fall movie schedule around here? Raise your hands. Yep, me too.
6. The Illusionist $4.6m (My rank:#5, $.7m Off)
I thought it would do a little better due to the names attached but magic fans must have stayed in and played Magic: The Gathering instead. I think that’s a card game.
7. Little Miss Sunshine $4.4m (My rank:#8, $.3m Off)
I’ve had plenty of people I know see this and come away pleasantly surprised. It doesn’t look like much from the trailer but it overperforms in the theater, much like any porn movie.
8. The Wicker Man $4.1m (My rank:#7, $.1m Off)
It’s at 13 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. That’s not good. Critics can be mean, but I can say with a lot of confidence that any movie that 7 out 8 people don’t like will not be a fun cinematic experience.
9. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby $3.0m (My rank:#9, $.8m Off)
Hello old friend, shake and bake, there can’t be two number ones because then you’d have eleven, conquer the live cougar. I just thought you may want a little quote recap to go with your financial recap.
10. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals $2.5m (My rank:#10, $1.1m Off)
Back on the horse in terms of having all of my top ten actually finish in the top ten. That’s encouraging. I was a little over, I think I was over on every movie actually, but I said it would be tenth and it was. That’s the way we do it. See you Thursday night for another fantastic round of quips and prognostication.
Read a story I wrote about my childhood right about Here.