The Old ‘College’ Try: Save Jessica Heap Campaign

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Not too long ago I downloaded all the stills and information for this week’s MGM release, College. However, I did nothing with it because, let’s face it, this movie looks pretty stupid and I wasn’t going to give it any kind of serious attention. Then I realized Laremy needed to have this thing in the database in order to do his Box-Office Oracle article at the end of the week. As we all realize there are enough idiots out there in this world to possibly give this film a $6-8 million opening. That is if the geniuses that go to see Disaster Movie feel like making it a double feature weekend.

So, after I added the movie, the pictures and the trailer I realized I needed to add the cast and director. Guess what, I only had two of them in the database. No worries, hop on over to the publicity site and get the names and then hop on over to IMDb and check for any birth dates and hometown information as well as see what other films they were in so I can get them added to those films as well. It’s all a lot of fun you see.

Once I finally had Deb Hagen in as director and Drake Bell, Kevin Covais, Andrew Caldwell, Haley Bennett, Nick Zano and Ryan Pinkston added to the cast I browsed the rest of IMDb‘s cast list and found a few others I already had in the database and plopped them in and then I stopped at one name in particular… Jessica Heap. The name sounded familiar, but where had I heard it? As it turns out I hadn’t heard it anywhere and she wasn’t in the RopeofSilicon database. However, I started looking at her filmography and a tear began rolling down my face (no, not literally).

You see, Jessica plays College Girl #2 in College. If you look for her she will be standing next to Brandi Coleman who plays College Girl #1. Unfortunately Jessica’s career has a lot of these inocuous roles. She was uncredited as Spartan Woman’s Friend in Meet the Spartans, Councilman’s Assistant in Death Toll and she will play Bartender in Abduction of Jesse Bookman and Hottie #2 in Spring Break ’83 proving she can’t seem to crack into the #1 role yet again.

She has managed to secure the part of Secretary in the upcoming Ewen McGregor and Jim Carrey flick I Love You Phillip Morris, but it is back to the usual when she plays the part of Oyster Chick in Mardi Gras.

One can only hope her performance as Jeri Blackburn on the middle-age woman channel TV movie “Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal” will earn her some recognition, but if not I would like to say right here and now that I want to see Jessica Heap in a major film, with a speaking role and with a character name that does not end in a number and most certainly not the number 2!

I don’t know anything about Jessica Heap. I have never met her and most likely never will, but no one should be made to play an uncredited role in Meet the Spartans only to find their next role as College Girl #2 in College. Sure, you can consider her the title character and you can tell me this is Hollywood and that’s the way it is. I don’t accept that, there has to be someone she can sleep with to get a role in The House Bunny 2 as one of the girls that goes from being ugly to being pretty and everyone loves at the end of the movie. Let’s lavish a little praise on this young vixen, she has paid her dues.

According to Chickipedia she is “a heap of hotness” that stands at 5’4″ and her hobbies are Cajun Cooking with Slim Jims as her major vice. She boasts “long stems” as her best asset and she hails from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The site says she’s a “tough-talking chick who is someone you can take home to mom” and ain’t no one gon’ disagree with that.

I am not the only one starting an online campaign of this sort. Laremy is doing the same at Film.com for Stephanie Honore who may be able to boast of an appearance in Final Destination 4, but when you see it is as Gearhead’s Girlfriend it sort of takes the appeal out of the whole thing. Read his open letter right here.

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Weekend: Sep. 19, 2019, Sep. 22, 2019

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