THE MOVIES: The Mummy Returns vs. He’s Just Not That Into You
THE ANALYSIS: Warning: I essentially only chose this battle so I could rant incoherently about my loathing for both projects. So strap in. First off, the low hanging fruit, He’s Just Not That Into You. Never, in the history of humanity, has so much money been made off of so stupid a subject. You need a Goddamn book to tell you if someone likes you? Or not? I really worry for the children when a project like this makes it off the ground. Sure, the movie (starring Drew Barrymore) could turn out to be a phenomenal romantic comedy – but that still wouldn’t cure that idiotic title.
Next up, The Mummy 3 without my girl Rachel Weisz. The fact is, were you in the way of my marrying or even meeting Rachel I would kill you, no questions asked. So I’m on the record as liking her. However, she’s been left off the project in favor of Maria Bello?? It even looks, based upon the casting, as though Maria is actually playing Evie. This can’t be possible can it? It must be a joke. Oh well, at least they got the guy who directed xXx and Stealth to direct it. Sigh.
EVENTUAL WINNER: He’s Just Not That Into You. I’m going with the full weight of “eventual” here because Mummy will win the opening weekend. However, I expect the backlash against a sub-par third edition of The Mummy to be far greater, allowing He’s Just Not That Into You to catch up around week three and make more dollars overall domestically (but not internationally).
