Box-Office Wrap-Up: June 2 – June 4

ON

#1 movie predicted correctly: ZERO Weeks In A Row

1. The Break-Up $38.0m (My rank:#2, $13.4m Off)
I’m liking it more and more the more I think about it. That doesn’t forgive the rude intrusion into the top spot, mind you. It’s an all vengeance Oracle folks. Buckle up buttercup.

2. X-Men: The Last Stand $34.3m (My rank:#1, $12.1m Off)

A 66% drop off?? So it was the true believers in week one and they told all the normal fans to stay away. Well listen normal guys you’d probably like this one. You don’t know your Banshee from your Gambit from your Nightcrawler so why are you listening to these people? You’ve screwed me royally true X-Clan, and I won’t soon forget it. A pox on your house, preferably chicken. I don’t do small.

3. Over the Hedge $20.6m (My rank:#4, $5.0m Off)

This one bent me over too. You couldn’t just lose to Da Vinci could you? You had to whup it up. You were a good movie but this I can’t forgive. Expect a horse’s head in your bed soon. The gloves are off and my hands are feeling a bit frosty.

4. The Da Vinci Code $19.3m (My rank:#3, $3.5m Off)

Way to go loser. Hey, maybe grab some lube next time eh? I hate you and I hate your mullet. I curse your next one in the series, Angels and Demons. I pray a hot air balloon crashes into the set. I don’t want to hurt people, I just want it to set the food table on fire. You will be hungry from here on out Religious mystery crapper, the polar (express) opposite of Scarlett O.

5. Mission: Impossible III $4.6m (My rank:#5, $1.1m Off)

You finished 5th!! I am so freaking proud of you right now. YOU did what you were told. That’s right my little achiever, I got you a unicorn. And a hooker. Do with her what you will. After you are done riding your unicorn we can go to brunch, my treat. A Mimosa? Let’s not get carried away, eh?

6. Poseidon $3.4m (My rank:#8, $.8m Off)

You were supposed to finish 8th. What can I say to you? I can’t even look at you anymore. You were a crap movie and now you’ve crapped right directly in my bed. On my pillows. Now I can’t sleep. Now I’m making a list with your cast and crew on it. Now I’m getting a fake ID. Now I’m renting a car and checking off names. Now I’m being investigated by the FBI. Whew, tiresome. Maybe I’ll just stick to brunch. Mimosas for everyone!

7. RV $3.3m (My rank:#6, $.5m Off)

It is kind of incredible how few movies are being released right now leaving this little nasty in the top ten. I always thought Robin Williams would make a great Beast (take that X-Nation) by the way. I think next week more comes out so we can say good-bye to this one. In this case adios will be a punch in the nose and a kick in the face once you’re down. It’s a tough world and the Oracle adapts.

8. See No Evil $2.0m (My rank:#7, $.8m Off)

2 million dollars divided by eight bucks a piece means 250,000 people caught this one this weekend. I’m not pandering to a measly 250k or less. You get a million come talk to me and we can arrange a march or something.

9. An Inconvenient Truth $1.3m (My rank: Not Ranked)

Where the hell did this one come from? The only inconvenient thing I can see here is this bastard appearing in my sacred top ten. This kind of thing makes me look like it’s all guesses and booze around here.

10. Just My Luck $0.8m (My rank:#9, Dead On)

Well the good news is this one will never be heard from again until the topless DVD comes out. That’s an exclusive you can take to the bank and watch bounce. See ya next week when I go back to picking winners and eating chicken dinners.

Download or buy 3 books to prove one can still make it as a writer here.

Box Office

Weekend: Nov. 15, 2018, Nov. 18, 2018

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