Box-Office Wrap-Up: Jan. 13 – Jan. 15

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It was a tiny box office weekend and those usually defy predictions. The top film was only four percent better than the second one, not much room for error there. The oracle darts are only so effective. I don’t have any excuses past that, just the cold hard facts ma’am.

1. Glory Road $13.5m (My rank #5, $3.5m off)

I had it freaking fifth. That’s completely unacceptable and I’m doing predictor push-ups right now.

2. Last Holiday $15.4m (My rank #3, $2.8m off)

You never bet against a queen.

3. Hoodinked $12.2m (My rank #2, $.9m off)

They desperately wanted to win the weekend. Now they’ll have to go with ads like “The #1 Animated Kid’s movie about a classic folk tale in the country.”

4. The Chronicles of Narnia; The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe $10.1m (My rank #6, $.7m off)

I really want this film to go away. I can’t think of anything else funny to say about it. Just go away.

5. Hostel $9.6m (My rank #1, $4.4m off)

This may be the worst my #1 pick has ever faired. I hate you Hostel. I hate your pun, I hate your theme, I hate your crummy performance. You are banished from the land.

6. Fun With Dick and Jane $8.6m (My rank: #7, $1.5m off)

I just found out that Tea Leoni was brought in at the last minute for this one. The Oracle’s rumor mill is a little slow to churn.

7. King Kong $7.3m (My rank: #8, 1.1m off)

I also found out that King Kong is public domain. No one owns the rights. So my next project, King Kong beats up Donald Trump is a major go.

8. Tristan and Isolde $6.6 (My rank: #4, $4.8m off)

Do you think it’s a coincidence that I wrote a scathing review and then it went out and got crushed? Okay, yeah, it probably is, but they still should have let me interview Isolde 1 on 1 at a nudist camp just to cover their bases.

9. Brokeback Mountain $5.8m (My rank: #9, $.9m off)

Has anyone ever heard of Jude? He has a song called “Gay Cowboy”, I kid you not, and I wonder if he should start suing or they should. Either way I’d hope litigation could be pursued in the spirit of democracy.

10. The Family Stone $5.1m (My rank: Not Ranked)

The tenth spot is becoming my home for random thoughts because, let’s face it, the tenth film is the one no one cares about. So here goes… has anyone else noticed this Alito guy comes off a little fem? I’m a sensitive guy myself but he looks like he’s about one Anne Taylor Loft gift certificate from joining a different softball team. I’m just saying.

If you like books about writing about movies you DON’T want to miss this.

Box Office

Weekend: Nov. 15, 2018, Nov. 18, 2018

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