So far we’ve looked at the best and worst movies as well as the most anticipated movies of 2006. Now it’s time to review the year in full, the highlights and lowlights by category and people with a few wildcards thrown in.
Ladies and gents, it’s the best/worst column ever, full of accolades for the deserving and guilty.
WORST USE OF Heather Locklear: The Perfect Man
It’s insane to take quasi smoking hot Heather and put her in a crushingly bad film. I remember “Melrose Place” and I refuse to believe this is the same person.
WORST USE OF Reese Witherspoon: Just Like Heaven.
I thought it was all over after this, she’s got to stay away from Romantic Comedies, she hasn’t made a good one yet.
BEST SEX SCENE: Allison Lohman, Where the Truth Lies.
We get to see a lot of Ms. Lohman and all of it is working for her.
MOVIES I STAND ALONE ON: Tie between Match Point and Domino.
I loved Domino in the theater and it was crushed by everyone and their mom. I hated Match Point and people can’t get enough. It just goes to show you that occasionally I sniff glue.
WORST TITLE: The Greatest Game Ever Played
That’s a preposterous title. Gimme a break over here with the kid’s golfing over hyping.
MOST TALENT SQUANDERED: Stay
Gosling, McGregor, and Watts get butchered by a crappy story. What a waste.
WORST TV TO MOVIE ADAPTATION: Dukes of Hazzard
They forgot the comedy part. You’d think it would have been a priority. Sure seeing some flesh is insteresting for a few minutes but then we need an actual plot.
MOST POTENTIAL SQUANDERED: tie Munich, Everything is Illuminated
Both these films built up huge points in the opening 90 minutes only to lose the plot, drop the ball and slide back into just being decent. 30 minutes of directionless film is the difference between a once in a decade film and a once in a month film.
BEST 2004 MOVIE THAT CAME OUT IN 2005: Layer Cake
I’m not sure whether to put this in my top 5 or stop talking about it because it’s too old. I’ve seen it listed in different years on different sites. Either way I loved it.
BEST FILM THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BAD: In Her Shoes
Against all odds this film was really watchable. It had a terrible trailer, a silly premise in it and yet I had to call it good. Crazy, wacky stuff.
BEST VISUAL FEEL: Brothers Grimm & Lords of Dogtown
In Grimm the look hurt the film, in Dogtown it helped. They were both cool to look at though, Grimm with washed out yellows and Dogtown with a psycadelic feel.
MOST OVERRATED: Hitch
It was a decent comedy but nothing else was out so it got waaaay too much credit. Okay, the big fella dancing was worth a smirk and the Fresh Prince getting allergic was fun. But other than that why the fuss?
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY:Pride and Prejudice
This was a great film that would have made my top three if I ever made it out to the movie theater. This year I promise to see more than 10 films.
STRANGEST SCREEN PAIRING: An Unfinished Life
Redford and J-Lo had all the chemistry of me and J-Lo. In other words, not so not much.
BEST MUSIC: Elizabethtown
I should just rename this the “Cameron Crowe” award. No way he’s ever losing it. This movie set the bar for “Freebird” too high to ever reach again.
SHAKIEST CONCEPT: Unleashed
Can’t you just see me in a Hollywood pitch meeting “We’ve got this guy right… and he’s uh, been trained as a dog see, fights like one, the whole deal. Then we free him, you still with me? Then we throw in a love story! Brilliant, right?”
BEST ACTOR IN BAD FILMS: Andre 3000
Four Brothers and Be Cool sucked but the guy was good regardless. When he’s finally in a good film look out.
BEST STALKER POSING AS FILMMAKER: My Date With Drew
When the hell are these bastards going to greenlight my Sex Scene with Scarlett Johannson movie? Guys, it’s not dirty, it’s my dream!
WORST LIGHTING: Shopgirl
Sure, you couldn’t see Steve Martin’s wrinkles but everything else was dark too. Not a fair trade-off there.
SLOWEST DECENT FILM: Three Burials of Mesquiades Estrada
MOST OVERRATED DIRECTOR: Jim Jarmusch
Somebody show me his hit film. Seriously. Show me the “must see”. I’ll be waiting quietly over here when you’re ready.
BEST INTERVIEW: Joss Whedon
Okay, I accept no one wants to see Serenity but the guy is a great interview. I like him. Sue me.
MOST DISSAPOINTING KID’S FILM:The Chronicles of Narnia; The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe
First off it was horrible how kid driven it was. Then it wasn’t on the level of amazing kid films either. Great trailer, average movie.
BEST DVD ONLY: Stewie Griffin, The Untold Story
Sure it was just three “Family Guy” episodes cobbled together but the Bugs Bunny scene is worth $20 bucks all by itself.
WORST ENDING: Mr. and Mrs. Smith
It’s shocking how three more minutes would’ve helped this film out and yet nobody bothered. It was just like “aah.. whatever. Throw the end credits up”.
His work in Lords of Dogtown really showed what enormous range he has. I look for him to be a top three male actor for the next decade.
4. Orlando Bloom:
Mr. Bloom started out as an elf and has grown into a leading man. He’s wry, subtle, funny, charming… well, he’s all that and a bag of chips in Elizabethtown
3. Woody Harrelson
Woody was just tremendous in The Prize Winer of Defiance, Ohio, a film which no one bothered seeing. Well I saw it and I salute you Wood-Man.
2. Joaquin Phoenix
Walk The Line is dead on arrival without Joaquin. The man learned guitar for peet’s sake!
1. Christian Bale
If Oscar didn’t hate comic books we’d be talking Bale. You know it, I know it, the American people know it.
She is “America’s Sweetheart”, usurping the crown from Julia Roberts. In Elizabethtown we fell in love with her all over again. A glorious performance.
4. Reese Witherspoon
Reese became likeable again in Walk The Line which I would have bet against. She’ll receive a lot of love come awards season.
3. Toni Collette
Hey, what are you doing this high Toni Collette?? Well she put In Her Shoes on her back and said “giddy up”. Credit earned.
2. Keira Knightley
I’m a Pride and Prejudice guy even though I’m jumping on the bandwagon late.
1. Naomi Watts
Naomi had the best performance of the year, male or female, in King Kong. She made the movie. It’s not even close actually.
MOST SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION: The Movie Book or the Wacky Novella.
C’mon, help a kid pay rent.
