In the true spirit of the literary mash-up the Shakespeare of Shock briefly courts Jane Austen to celebrate the irreverent adaptation Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
A Visit to Mrs Featherstone
Infection is so easy to conceal
While ever human brains are not consumed.
But trust me when I say that this is real –
In here you have a zombie safely roomed.
The flies inside this vial will show the way
For they, like vultures, feast upon the dead
So I will now release them, if I may,
And wait for them to find a rotting head,
The eyes of which may still seem bright with life
But which will soon betray a grim despair
As they observe the progress of my knife
Attending to the throat with brutal care.
Be not disturbed by this. It must be done.
I cannot rest until this war is won.
In truth I was a fool to have ignored
The fire that lights the features of her face
Which burns most brightly when she wields her sword
And strides into the fray to take her place!
There is no doubt that she was born to fight!
I am aware that I have met my match;
Her arm so strong, her feet so sure, so light,
Unless she uses them for quick dispatch –
For kicks that shatter bones in rotting chests
Or stamping on a prostrate zombie’s head!
Now I perceive the hardest of all tests –
For to this gory girl I must be wed!
At last I understand this thing called love –
My ninja, my sweet warrior, my dove!