I went into Drillbit Taylor expecting it to be bad; I won’t avoid that fact. However, as with all movies, I hope for the best. People who think critics go into a film wanting to hate it need to guess again. Who in their right mind would want to spend 90-120 minutes hating life? I don’t know anyone, but that’s just me. Unfortunately, all the hope in the world isn’t going to make this movie any good as I would estimate 95 of the film’s 102 minutes are almost unwatchable. Honestly, if any of the reviewers you regularly read recommend this movie I urge you to ask them why they don’t like you.
Drillbit Taylor focuses on three kids attending their first day at school. You have the fat one, the ultra skinny one and the really dorky one. Ultimately they are bullied to death. Actually, the bullying is so over-the-top that it hits a ridiculous level almost immediately. The principal is clueless and won’t help so they go another route and hire a bodyguard.
Their ultimate choice is Drillbit, a homeless soldier gone AWOL. Drillbit is out to con the kids out of their money and ultimately, with his homeless friends, rob their houses and move to Canada. Excited yet? Well, apparently as a homeless person all you need to do is put on a suit, go to a high school and you can start substitute teaching. Drillbit does it and even his homeless buddies catch on and start doing it. Simply put, it’s awful. The logic is out the window and even though you may think that doesn’t matter, it really does. Primarily because this movie isn’t funny, which means you start evaluating it on a different level. When the logic fails you realize you really are wasting your time.
I will admit I laughed a couple of times. The recruitment process was actually quite funny with a comedic turn from Frank Whaley and the greatest moment may have been with Davon McDonald, a man described as “Hip Hop / Country Bodyguard” by IMDb and he is good for a couple of laughs. There is a moment where the fat kid raps that is pretty funny and a moment at the end involving a pinky finger that may actually be the best moment of the film. All-in-all, there are your 7 minutes of laughs. The rest is an exercise in boredom. Every scene goes exactly as you would assume from the moment they begin and it takes all the entertainment away.
I know this isn’t a film anyone expects to be all that good since it is only set up to appease young kids, but the PG-13 rating ruins that, and had they decided to tame this flick all the way down then they may have had something. It’s not as if I would have enjoyed a far more childish film, but at least I could have respected what they were going for. With Drillbit Taylor it is hard to figure out just who exactly it is supposed to be entertaining.
