Here’s the recipe for Hitman:
1 chopped up Bourne Identity script (this basically needs to be destroyed beyond recognition)
1 regurgitated score – preferably again from the Bourne series
1 miscast star (if no one else is available try Timothy Olyphant)
1 sexy model preferably Russian and clothing optional
No faith in the audience’s intelligence
A general lack of filmmaking ability
Seriously, Hitman is so bad Fox should be giving away tickets to see this mess. The mere fact they have the guts to put it on the big screen is the only reason it didn’t get an “F”.
Based on the Eidos videogame of the same name, it appears Hitman sets out once and for all to prove that a videogame should never be adapted into a film. If at any moment you begin to wonder why things are in this film just think of it as a carbon copy of The Bourne Identity except the assassin knows who he is, oh and that they tried to turn it into some kind of a hyper-real actioner thriller backstabbing mystery with a bit of romantic comedy mixed in with some drama, blood, tits and violence.
Hmmmm, that last description almost makes it sound watchable, but beware all it will take is the one scene in which our hero Agent 47 is tracked down by three of his own kind resulting in a four way pistol standoff for you realize how bad this film is. Instead of waging a war of bullets Agent 47 inquires, “How about a little bit of dignity in death?” You know what this means? Yup, SWORDS! Our four friends break out into an unnecessary swordfight that may have well been the Riverdance considering how out of place and utterly ridiculous it was.
On top of all that… How hard is it to find a guy with a barcode on the back of his head? Especially if you know where he is going to be and he doesn’t cover the damned thing up. If filmmakers in 2007 are setting out to prove that cops are stupid then Hitman and We Own the Night have accomplished that goal.
Early rumors that director Xavier Gens had been fired from the project were said not to be true, but after watching this mess Fox would have been right to condemn him to work as a janitor at Fox Studios for how bad this movie is. The mere fact that writer Skip Woods also had his hand in the script for the upcoming G.I. Joe automatically knocks down my faith in that film as I only hope I can wash away the burn that is Hitman from my psyche.
