The Nanny Diaries is a bit like visiting the seventh circle of hell. For those of you who aren’t aware of the source material it’s the adaptation of the best selling book, and it’s very poorly done. Let’s go through each circle of hellfire together, so that we may learn from the burn.
Sprinting towards the first circle: It butchers the book. Look, The Nanny Diaries novel isn’t exactly epic genius. It’s a light and breezy read, and the elements mostly work. It’s about a gal in college trying to balance being a nanny with schoolwork. So what does the movie do? Immediately changes the story so that the nanny position comes after her graduation, with the conflict being that she should have a high paying job. Hey guys, the conflict was the school versus nannying and you just replaced it with something less entertaining and slightly dumb. Hats off!
Slipping into the second circle: Scarlett Johansson shows off her “acting.”I’m a Scar-Jo guy. Loved her on the cover of “Esquire” and in The Man Who Wasn’t There. But this is just painful. It’s like the directing was “look confused… all the time!” It’s really nasty business and I’m hoping Scarlett never does this sort of thing again. Even in the wretched Match Point she was sultry. Here she’s just idiotic.
Picking up steam towards the third circle: Paul Giamatti is completely wasted. No, he’s not drunk, but it’s pointless that he’s there. They could have replaced him with a lampshade.
Fourth circle here we come: The movie is booooooring. And I mean fall asleep style. Nothing happens. She watches the kid. She’s clumsy. She doesn’t have a high paying job. Her friend is sassy! I put an exclamation on that last part because it’s meant to be the super fun entertainment portion of the movie. This is a bit like a romantic comedy without romance or laughs with a seven-year-old thrown in for good measure.
Sidling towards the fifth circle: When you can’t tell a story, just gimme a voice over. The best is when, after they’ve exhausted the method of Scarlett looking confused, they just have her flat out tell you she’s confused. Now that’s imagination.
Onwards to the sixth circle: The film has no idea what tone it wants to take. Is Laura Linney sympathetic? Or just a bitch? The Nanny Diaries figures that Scar-Jo’s character is so schizophrenic that it won’t matter if they play it both ways every other scene. The book does a far better job with this theme; the mom is a horrible parent whom the protagonist hates but also pities. In the movie version it’s not pity but girlish sympathy, like “Oh you poor woman!” Only the poor woman has just gotten done ripping Scar-Jo a new one about four cinematic minutes prior. Odd.
The final frontier, the seventh circle: If you can’t think of an ending, just make something implausible up. I won’t spoil this for the six of you want to see this but it doesn’t all add up or end in any real manner. It’s just like they packed up for the day and called it good. So don’t see this. Avoid hell. Boring, silly, and illogical, this is no way to spend your dollars.
