No one was really surprised when Arnold Schwarzenegger announced by Twitter he was going back to acting last week. Let’s face it. His political career wasn’t a complete Pluto Nash style disaster. He had a few political victories here and there. But it certainly wasn’t a smash hit, either. So a return to acting is really the only logical choice for the former box-office champ.
Once he made that choice the question becomes how many roles are out there for the 63-year-old action star? It’s one thing for Fred Thompson to return to playing the older curmudgeonly DA in films and TV but he wasn’t fighting a Predator with a howitzer slung over his arm.
It’s true that Schwarzenegger has only been the governor of California for the last seven years and his last major role was Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was less than 10 years ago in the summer of 2003. But that’s a long time in pop culture years. So long in fact that Hollywood has already tried rebooting the Terminator franchise and failed in that time. Back then Lindsay Lohan was the hottest young actress in America, the local barista at Starbuck’s was getting a loan to buy a house for 300 grand and the “Curse of the Bambino” was still intact.
More importantly, Schwarzenegger was hardly tearing up the box-office in the years prior to being elected the Governor of California. While Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines did a respectable but hardly spectacular $150 million domestic, his three films before that were all loss leaders. End of Days, The Sixth Day and Collateral Damage made $67 mil, $34 mil and $40 mil respectively at the domestic box-office, and all had production budgets in excess of $80 million.
Plus Arnie was definitely showing his age even then. There was a time when the seven time Mr. World had a body unrivaled in the world. But it’s hard to believe that anyone is going to take a robotic superhero played by Schwarzenegger seriously when newer models like Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans are available.
I still think there’s room at the inn for the Arnold, however. So to that end here are five unsolicited ideas for Schwarzenegger and his agents on how to continue his movie career.
Nail down a lead role in The Expendables 2. This one is a slam-dunk. This one is supposedly being negotiated. Arnie’s definitely in but it’s still unsure if he will have a major role or just a cameo like he had in the first film. It’s well known in Hollywood that Arnold and Sly have brunch together almost every Saturday morning so a major role should happen if Schwarzenegger wants one. Who knows what the hold up is at this point. It probably has more to do with Lionsgate than Stallone, but even if he has to do it for gross points Schwarzenegger should make sure he’s in this film in a big way. The success of films like The Expendables and Red have shown there is a market out there for old farts kicking butt. I mean, if Helen Mirren can be an action hero these days certainly the Governator has some juice left in him.
Don’t do another Terminator film. As soon as Arnie said he was coming back the bidding for the franchise was renewed. Rumors are swirling around that Universal wants to buy the rights and pair Justin Lin, the helmer of the last three Fast and Furious flicks with Arnold to retro reboot the sci-fi classic. Bad move Arnold. You saw what happened with the last two Terminator films when Cameron wasn’t involved. It’s like trying to recapture your prom night with the girl you got together with in your buddy’s pick-up truck at your ten-year reunion. It’s never gonna be like that again so just don’t do it. Worse yet, you were pretty slow as a muscle bound 35-year-old in the first Terminator and much slower by the time you did Terminator 3. No one wants to see a Terminator who can’t outrun my 80-year-old Mom with two replacement hips. So just don’t do it.
Consider the De Niro route and find a quality comedy. You have shown a deft touch with humor in the past. I even have a suggestion for you. Why not remake Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House? Everyone who’s ever gone through a remodel can relate to that one. Imagine lines like “I’ve got six bathrooms in my house, so why am I forced to wash up at the Shell Station down the street.” Or how about “I thought the California Assembly was tough, but these contractors are killing me!” (I do know that Ice Cube’s Are We Done Yet? was supposedly a remake of Mr. Blandings, but I refuse to acknowledge it.)
Superhero Dad. All too often the people who play the father figures in superhero films are completely unbelievable. Fat, doughy, balding Marlon Brando as Jor-El. Really? He helped bring Superman into existence. I think not. And then Bryan Singer brings Brando back digitally in 2006. Why? Speaking of which. Why not cast Arnold right now in Zack Snyder’s Superman: Man of Steel reboot? He’d be a perfect Jor-El.
I’m sure Schwarzenegger still commands a decent amount of money up front in foreign presales. He’s still an international star at a time when they are very few around. If a talented young filmmaker developed the right role for Schwarzenegger, he could certainly help finance a mid-sized indie. Unlike De Niro, Al Pacino or even Sylvester Stallone, Schwarzenegger is somewhat limited as an actor because of his accent and large profile. But an enterprising young writer/director who really wants to make a film should be able to develop a suitable role for Arnie. The citizens of California bought him as a Governor so he should be able to play almost anything now. I can see him now. Stomping around in the snow at Sundance. Giving out an Award at the Independent Spirit Awards. Why not?
So those are my ideas for the second half of Arnold’s career. I give them freely and without charge to the fine folks at CAA, too. What about the rest of you? What would you like to see Arnold do with his film career?
