Top Ten Movie Mullets

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Top Ten Movie Mullets

There was a time when mullets were cool. It was a magical world of blue-denim jackets, Bob Saget’s comedic prowess, and conservatives with some sanity. That world is extinct now. But archeological remnants linger everywhere, the most fascinating of which is the mullet. We find traces of the mullet in photos, TV shows, and movies from this time period known as “The Rad Years.” We point and laugh and wonder who would ever ask for such a ridiculous hairdo. Some of us even copycat the mullet as some ironic tribute to a simpler time where looking stupid was looking fine. A few real mullets still exist, hiding in the backwoods, trailer parks, and 24-hour bowling alleys of the once-proud Confederate states. Yet, for the most part, the mullet died about 15 years ago. A slow fadeout. Some wept, some did not. Yet, all of us, secretly or not, still loves to see a good mullet even when it’s just an artifact of the past.

Juliette Lewis and Woody Harrelson – Natural Born Killers
Mullets and psychopaths go well together. I’m not sure if that was Oliver Stone’s intended message, but it’s what I took away from Natural Born Killers. The film handed us a cinematic rarity: the non-lesbian stereotype fem-ullet. And surprisingly, Juliette Lewis looked damn sexy with hockey hair. However, Lewis wasn’t the only actor showing off a bi-level do. A balding Woody Harrelson provided the missing evolutionary link between mullet and skullet, which is what this film should be remembered for.
Mel Gibson – Lethal Weapon
Officer Martin Riggs was suicidal and crazy. Not because he jumped off buildings with fellow suicidal folk or got in lawn fist-fights with your local neighborhood Gary Busey. No, the man was a nutbag because his planned suicide involved a hollow-point bullet through the back of his skull, which would have completely ruined one of the great manes of the 20th century. To even consider destroying such a fine, rare specimen of the mullet is pure insanity.
Billy Mitchell – King of Kong
Look at this fool. You can tell just by looking at him that he’s a douche. That’s the text-book definition of a douche-bag mullet. Video-game champ Billy Mitchell is a real guy who sports a real shiny, douche mullet, and if you’ve seen the brilliant doc, King of Kong, then you know Mitchell doesn’t flaunt the mullet as an ironic statement. Nope, he thinks it’s real cool. But actually, it’s real douchey in a sad, never-was-cool-even-when-tossed-into-the-time-capsule sort of way. So, and you already know this if you’ve watched the film, this is a haircut that perfectly fits the man.
Kurt Russell – Big Trouble in Little China
Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton says at a time like this, “Drive a big-rig, have a mullet. Wear a tank-top, have a mullet. Shoot a machine-gun, have a mullet. Fight ancient Chinese spirits have a mullet. Nail a Kim Cattrall, have a mullet. It’s the all-handy, all-American tool.”
Darth Vader – Star Wars
The mullet carries over to the helmet…

Star Wars was about many things, and one of those was mullets. Anakin Skywalker may have lost all his limbs, skin, and hair during that epic battle with once mullet-headed Obi-wan Kenobi, but no amount of scalp scarring would prevent him from losing his proud mullet. This was a literal case of helmet hair.

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Weekend: Aug. 29, 2019, Sep. 1, 2019

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