DVD LIVE BLOG: Awake

ON

I am taking my third dip into the DVD live blogging universe after the successful turn (based on reads) of my Hitman live blog and my quotes edition live blog of No Country for Old Men on Blu-ray. This time I am taking on a film I have actually not seen before and hope to repeat the success of the first two, even though blogging a previously seen film is sure to be far easier.

Awake seems prime for snarky comments and a lot of fun considering I think Jessica Alba and Hayden Christensen are easily two of the worst actors in Hollywood at the moment, and on top of that this film itself looks amazingly bad. However, there are good things to consider.

First off, this film actually scored a positive review from Roger Ebert. Secondly, it also stars Terrence Howard, whom I love as an actor, but this looks more like a paycheck film for him than anything else.

One note before we begin, this will include spoilers! While I won’t intentionally spoil the film I will not avoid revealing plot details throughout this blog. If that is something that you would prefer to avoid then you should probably shy away now.

And with all of that out of the way… let’s begin…

1:13:17 AM: Let me begin with a complete side note… Windows Vista is easily the worst computer program I have ever used. Windows Update is a fucking nuisance and I am growing to hate Microsoft more and more each day.

1:13:53 AM: That’s over with, now let’s get into this blog as I approach 1:15 in the AM on this Thursday morning… That’s PST of course.

1:14:59 AM: Awake is 84 minutes long and I can tell you right now I am ready to rip this one apart, but would love to be proven wrong.

1:16:19 AM: Apparently 30,000 people get trapped in anesthesia awareness every year. This means they are trapped in their body and virtually paralyzed… then they get chopped up. This part of this film I have no problem with, it’s the voice over they feature in the trailer that has me worried.

1:18:04 AM: Oh man, even Terrence Howard has a voice over role in this one. Haven’t filmmakers learned this is an annoying tool?

1:18:45 AM: Oh, we learn already that Clayton (that’s Hayden’s character) dies immediately.

1:20:34 AM: Hayden’s in a bathtub and Jessica Alba is watching him bathe. The two are now talking and it seems so real… Apparently they are about to have sex and then go out to breakfast… oops, now she is fully dressed and in the tub, because that happens.

1:21:31 AM: I love taking baths. Wait, I am 6′ 6″ and only my arm fits in a bathtub… What was I thinking? Oh, and I am a man.

1:21:47 AM: Topless shaving and toothbrushing with Jess and Hayden… Yay!

1:24:04 AM: Almost 8 minutes in and the credits finally end. Joby Harold wrote and directed this, remember that name for the rest of your life.

1:25:39 AM: So Terrence and Hayden are friends, that part we have established as the two go fishing in the middle of the day… This is New York, where were they fishing? I think that was the Brooklyn Bridge I just saw.

1:26:14 AM: They didn’t catch anything. Too bad, I am sure that would have been some good fish.

1:27:25 AM: Okay, I think this is going to be a malpractice revenge type movie situation.

1:28:14 AM: Now we are getting an overview of how Hayden’s heart transplant surgery is going to go. I am not sure if they told me why he needs it yet.

1:29:27 AM: Now he is telling him to picture them cutting him open. Why would anyone do this? Would you really want to freak the shit out of your patient? Because he is trying his hardest.

1:30:45 AM: Okay, there is a side story where he can’t admit to his mom that he is dating Jessica Alba. I think it’s because she is widely known to be a terrible actress.

1:31:07 AM: I guess two terrible actors dating each other is frowned upon.

1:31:48 AM: Ooooo, mom is giving him a chance to get a different surgeon. That is going to come back into play later on.

1:33:51 AM: Okay, he just has a bad heart and needs a new one. I think his dad died of a similar affliction.

1:35:49 AM: Hayden wants to propose to Jessica but he is afraid of his mom. Makes sense because he is only a successful Wall Street businessman and has no dependence on his mother at all.

1:36:37 AM: His dad didn’t die from a heart problem, he fell down the stairs in a Santa suit.

1:37:04 AM: Ah snap, Jess works for his mom! Big scandal!

1:37:48 AM: It’s raining like crazy and Jessica is slowly walking home in the rain without an umbrella and it is really pissing outside.

1:38:22 AM: Ohhhh, they are hiding their engagement and have been doing so for six months, but the big reveal to mommy is coming and she is not happy.

1:38:52 AM: I think his mom has a crush on him.

1:39:15 AM: I love movie ultimatums… If he marries Jessica she will drop him.

1:39:49 AM: Back outside, probably 15 minutes later, it’s not raining anymore. I don’t even think the ground is wet.

1:40:55 AM: Doctor Terrence Howard is his best man, as they decide to get married right now!

1:41:36 AM: Aaaaaaaaaaaand… married. Oh shit, a tear from Jess… A real tear!

1:42:49 AM: Here comes the sex scene. Time for some naked Alba, all she is good for… and… ahhh… nevermind. Pager went off, a heart is ready, off to the hospital.

1:43:51 AM: Oh man, mom is at the hospital with the other doctor. Terrence and the other doctor HATE each other!

1:44:11 AM: He is making fun of Terrence for fishing in the East River. A valid argument.

1:45:06 AM: Hayden doesn’t want the doctor because he is over-qualified. Hayden wants Terrence because he is his friend, one of these days I hope a friend of mine will cut my heart out.

1:46:37 AM: The touching moment before Hayden goes under the knife is out of the way.

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