Welcome to the third annual RopeofSilicon.com Oscar live diary. Get comfy, get a drink (or four) and get ready for around seven hours of bigtime fun. But first, let’s break down a few of the more interesting subplots of the evening – so you’re mentally prepared for the craziness. Ready?
Will there be any upsets? Any at all?
As I see it there are five huge favorites. Diablo Cody (Original Screenplay), The Coens (Director), Day-Lewis (Lead), Javier Bardem (Supporting), and Ratatouille (Animated). No Country for Old Men is a favorite for Best Picture, but a loss wouldn’t stun me like one of the big five going down. So, let’s hope for at least one big upset so we can complain about something.
Will Jon Stewart go political?
It’s an election year and the current climate is perfect for some political zings – Jon’s specialty. However, for his last performance (2006?) he seemed pretty tame to me. Will The Academy free him? Also, just in general, will the writers have enough time to make the show work? Snap dragon, that’s an official subplot.
The coronation of No Country for Old Men, the destruction of near everything else.
It should win Best Picture. It should win Best Director. Bardem will win for Supporting Actor. However, can it pick up a Best Editing? Best Adapted Screenplay? Cinematography? Any number that adds up to five Oscars is a coronation. Heck, the three alone will be the talk of the evening because the challengers (Michael Clayton, Juno, Atonement, There Will Be Blood) present too fragmented a field for any real momentum.
Will the country watch?
This theme has been bandied about as everyone realized, all at once, that they’d never seen any of the movies nominated. No one had. Fair enough. The good news is Brad, Dre, and myself have, so we’re here for you. Lean on us. My personal thought is that the 80th Annual Academy Awards will get oodles of viewers because no one has seen anything good on TV in a few months.
Any mention of the writer strike? Or Heath Ledger?
Will this be a happy happy joy joy style of Academy Awards? My guess is yes, but you never know. Academy Award speeches are unpredictable. That’s why we play the game.
So that’s that. Bring a friend!
11:33:14 AM: I just found out the E! Red Carpet coverage starts at noon, a full five hours before the show starts. That’s officially insane. If I started at noon with this thing there would be nothing left of me. They’d have to scrape me up. So I’m sticking with my 3pm PST time. That’s the most I can do.
11:35:36 AM: Ok, maybe I’ll give you a little taste. I’m watching the TVGuide channel and they play the Caveman Geico Ads… and I think to myself: “Self, what are the Cavemen guys doing these days?” I’m pretty sure the sitcom didn’t work out. So are they available? Does one of them want to tag in for the live diary? We’ll contact their reps and get back to you. Stat.
12:17:43 PM: Right now they’ve got live tiny Penguins on E! I don’t have a joke, I just thought the moment should be noted for all time.
12:21:20 PM: And now the monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End makes an appearance. No low is too low.
12:32:11 PM: E!’s theme, for the umpteenth straight year, seems to be “We’re really really shallow. Wheeeeee!”
12:37:30 PM: E! is giving away their own awards. Examples of which include Best Legs and Sexiest Nerd. Take my eyes.
12:39:03 PM: Ben Lyons is taking Cate Blanchett for Supporting Actress. Total chalk. I love Ben Lyons because we’re a TON alike. My dad and grandpa were both bigtime writers too, so it was easy for me to get into the biz.
12:41:02 PM: Oh no, wait, my dad is a CPA.
12:41:22 PM: Right now Ben Lyons is competing against the Ollie Girls (of Sunset Tan) fame. I love the Ollie girls but this is just sad. I hurt for our future.
12:55:57 PM: My new network will be called L? and it will be about movies. So pretty much the opposite if what I’m watching now.
1:01:59 PM: Don’t forget to tune into the Fashion Awards tomorrow on E!!!!!!!!
1:31:42 PM: I love me some Joel McHale. He’s the only funny thing about the E! network.
1:58:45 PM: I like Stuckey and Murray too. Hmm, whoever has been programming E!!!! the last 30 minutes has done better. Maybe the hangover is starting the wear off.
2:42:48 PM: We’re doing a red carpet runway show. It’s pretty awesome.
2:43:59 PM: Tell you what though, some of these girls can fill out a dress. Mercy.
2:44:49 PM: I can’t believe I’m looking forward to Ryan Seacrest making an appearance. I’m not sure who the E! host is that’s wearing a white dress but she’s easily one of the most annoying people on the planet. Easily.
3:00:24 PM: Ryan Seacrest is rocking the black! Remix!
3:04:41 PM: Behind Seacrest is the guy with the envelopes (that have the winners). From the accounting team. Somehow, he’s a red carpet draw. At least they are making him walk it at 3:04pm with the other ushers.
3:10:18 PM: The party I just got to doesn’t have HD?? But they do have Peeps Marshmallow Chicks as party favors. You take the good with the bad I suppose.
3:13:09 PM: They are making fun of Ellen Page for being “plain.” Let that be a lesson to all young women out there: Try harder. You can’t possibly wear enough makeup or jewelry to impress E!
3:27:27 PM: Heidi Klum just said she’s not looking forward to seeing anyone at the Academy Awards. I dig, it’s honesty. She’s got her Seal, what else you need?
3:27:56 PM: For the record he sang “Kiss From a Rose” which was featured in a hit Batman film.
3:36:44 PM: Now they are hating on Klum’s style. If Heidi Klum can’t get some red carpet love I don’t know what to say.
3:43:40 PM: The rain has come. Luckily E! is under cover. Well, sort of… it’s raining on them a bit because clearly the person at at The Academy who assigns red carpet locations hates them. Like the rest of us.
3:44:55 PM: Clooney on the carpet. I’m guessing he gets there earlier so he can hit up the bar. My type of fellow. Hmmm, he mentions a possible Actors’ Strike. Not good times.
3:47:13 PM: Jason Bateman! I love Jason Bateman. Okay, programming note – we’re going to throw in a pagebreak at 4pm. We do this because we love you.
3:54:10 PM: Wow, Seacrest just went after Anne Hathaway’s date. That’s just plain mean. Poor guy.
3:55:11 PM: What I mean to say is that he sort of made fun of him. He didn’t hit on him. Just to clarify.
3:55:49 PM: I think Hathaway may hate Ryan Seacrest. Not in a fun way either.
3:59:15 PM: Clooney met his current girlfriend in Vegas. She was a waitress. Just thought you want to know.
4:00:12 PM: Page Break time!
