Box-Office Wrap-Up: Mar. 24 – Mar. 26

ON

I called the top movie for like the billionth weekend in a row. For you to prove me wrong you’d have to look at past Oracles and I know no one can stand that kind of psychic pain so I’m the big winner. It isn’t even that hard anymore, I just look into the crystal ball, wade past all the stuff about me in a foursome (and moresome) and laser right in on the top money earner of the weekend. You could try it at home but it might hurt your frontal lobe.

Hey, on the lobe thing, anyone remember Lisa Loeb? She was the super whiny chick in the ’90s who sang about getting beaten and you not calling the cops even though you were her neighbor? Looking back that was a strange message. If Lisa was getting worked over I would hope someone makes a call. Or maybe it was an S and M scenario… hmm… The Oracle doesn’t judge, he just keeps on keeping on like Donkey Kong in a thong with a gong singing a song. Read on for recap action that will knock your socks right off.

1. Inside Man $28.9m (My rank:#1, $7.8m Off)
It will be interesting to see what kind of legs this one has, my bet is it will get decent to good word of mouth and be a strong contender next weekend too. So, yeah, it will have legs like Charlize Theron. Legs right up to its booty.

2. V for Vendetta $12.3m (My rank:#2, $4.5m Off)

I’m very pleased V was able to at least grab second because it’s clearly the best effort out there. C’mon pea brains – Go see it and tell people you “get it”. Then maybe read a book. Dreams, dreams.

3. Stay Alive $11.2m (My rank:#5, $2.3m Off)

This one was not guzzled for critics, which was a blessing. If I were to be trapped in a video game I’d want it to be Baseball Stars because I could hit on the Pink Lady team while still playing ball for a living. Or maybe Katamari Damaci because that would mean I was strung out on something.

4. Failure to Launch $10.8m (My rank:#4, $1.8m Off)

I think we can put Sarah J P to bed after this bad boy. Good night sweetheart, it’s time to go. You had a nice run, it was fun, now you’re done.

5. The Shaggy Dog $9.1m (My rank:#3, $.1m Off)

I actually like the dog, like I would own one or something. I wouldn’t let him watch this pile though, lest he get wild ideas about immortality and fighting crime. Just be a dog, dog. Okay – that wasn’t a joke I just wanted to use “lest” in a sentence because it’s been overlooked for far too long. We can’t let these type of opportunities pass.

6. She’s the Man $7.4m (My rank:#6, $1.3m Off)

Wait, does she learn that she can do stuff as well as a boy?? I HOPE SO.

7. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector $7.0m (My rank:#7, $1.9m Off)

They should’ve called this one Jerk-off the jerk-off guy: Jerk-off Inspector. Now that I would have seen.

8. The Hills Have Eyes $4.2m (My rank:#8, $.3m Off)

Did anyone see Abre Los Ojos? It was the original Vanilla Sky before Cameron put it into English. If you liked Vanilla Sky you may find some value in Ojos, completely different tone with essentially the same story. One is about the machine borg we inhabit, the other about love against all odds. Neither are inherently better, just different. Anyway, it’s much more fun than talking Hilly Eyes.

9. Eight Below $2.7m (My rank:#9, $.2m Off)

This is the sixth weekend this one has been in the top ten. And they wonder why everyone decries the lack of big studio good cinema the past few years. Six weeks! That’s seven weeks too long. Yeah, seven is more than six… Get it? Well, do yah?

10. 16 Blocks $2.2m (My rank:#10, $.1m Off)

Breaking up is hard to do. Especially in an okay relationship. It’s just like “Okay, you’re here, you don’t actively annoy me even though you seem a little crazy. Let’s get some dinner. Promise not to say too much.” That’s 16 Blocks by the way. It was a metaphor I think. I don’t hate it. I’m just ready to finally get some dinner with a lady who’s dirty and delicious.

Here is the MySpace info. Pop it, then rock it.

Box Office

Weekend: Nov. 15, 2018, Nov. 18, 2018

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