Box-Office Oracle: Mar. 17 – Mar. 19

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This weekend has about the most anticipated movie of the year so far in V for Vendetta. Hell, it was anticipated last year when it was originally due out. Delayed five months for um “special effects” reasons (or rather political reasons in my estimation) this flick is worth the hype. It’s not a perfect film but after the January and February nightmare for the general public (I’m assuming no Winter Passing or Block Party for you) you’ll find this to be highly refreshing. Hey, wait a sec, shouldn’t I just go over this in the preview? Sigh. I’m always popping off too early. Here we go!

Our good friend V is very fortunate to be opening against a typical teen movie. It also is very fortunate that the holdovers from last weekend weren’t that strong to begin with. It also has your gal Natalie Portman. Heard of her? She’s just what the doc ordered in this one. V for Vendetta is in the right place at the right time, like me with that drunk chick so many years ago (hey nana!).

She’s The Man also debuts this weekend with Amanda Bynes who’s just as cute as a cupcake. She’s been making the media rounds saying how much fun she had making the movie and how neat it was to be playing a boy, and aww shucks the soccer was soooo difficult. Spare me. If I see one more apple pie cutesy teen star I’m going to chuck. These kids are about as realistic as my superhero alter ego, Dr. Dolphin Man.

Anyway, let’s grill it like we thrill it.

1. V for Vendetta $34.5m

I like the subversive feel. I like the gray and moody DC logo. I like knife throwing anarchists. Sign me up.

2. Failure to Launch $13.0m

The mystery is will this get good word of mouth? If it does, will it be better than the rep I’ve built up doing salsa dancing?

3. She’s the Man $11.5m

The idea that girls could compete with guys is preposterous. Next they’ll want to vote.

4. Shaggy Dog $9.8m

Sad Dog is the sequel where they cut out his puppy making equipment with a tire iron.

5. The Hills Have Eyes $9.7m

Okay, but do the Hills have a decent public restroom? I’ve got to drop a deuce. (ed note: new low reached)

6. 16 Blocks $4.8m

I thought this was going to be the Dikembe Mutumbo story and was looking for some finger wagging action but all I got was a housed B-Willis.

7. Eight Below $2.9m

Eight Below won’t go away. It’s like that image of your uncle standing on top of you laughing like a maniac after another one of your “special sessions.” I miss that guy.

8. Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion $2.5m

I just got a new pair of JJ Casuals in the mail (they are shoes that look like feet) and they are super comfortable. Plus now I can dine out at fancy places.

9. The Pink Panther $1.7m

Paisley is the new pink and hefty is the new stocky. Exclusive news you can use.

10. Aquamarine $1.6

I felt really bad about giving this one a hard time once I found it was about a Marine core dude who couldn’t ever leave the water because he was born with gills. Freaking genetics man, what super bastards they are!

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Box Office

Weekend: Nov. 15, 2018, Nov. 18, 2018

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