Matt McConaughey took my words to heart and decided to lay the smack down on me. I’m not mad at him. If the postitions were reversed and I was the sexiest man alive I’d go around punching people right in the face, screaming “SEXY!” So, in hindsight merely debuting the number one movie is tame stuff.
1. Failure to Launch $24.6m (My rank: #3, $8.7m off)
It was clearly date night around the ponderosa this weekend. You know, a little wine, a little music, a little romantic comedy. Then you go for a little sweet loving. It’s what makes this whole world keep spinning round.
2. The Shaggy Dog $16.0m (My rank: #1, $7.8m off )
I’m happy this didn’t win the weekend. I was already writing the note for my clock tower appearance. The word of mouth should be brutal on this one and the DVD should come with a pooper scooper.
3. The Hills Have Eyes $15.5m (My rank: #2, $1.9m off )
These Hills are made for walking. And that’s just what they’ll do. When did the Oracle get so lyrical? I should probably stick to goofy and geeky movie stuff to keep the public interested.
4. 16 Blocks $7.3m (My rank: #5, DEAD ON)
This is 15 blocks more than I would ever walk. For formal invitations do they call him Most Def?
5. Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion $5.8m (My rank: #6, .4m off
I wonder if the reunion had a pig roast in it. I love pig roasts because they put an apple in that crispy bastard. That’s adding injury to injury.
6. Eight Below $5.4m (My rank: #4, $6.2m off)
Still, sixth place for a movie that’s not any good and is the second dog film on the board is pretty swell. The mouse house has to be just beside themselves with glee. “Just think if we made a good movie.”
7. Aquamarine $3.6m (My rank: #8, $.3m off)
I’ve used Aquafresh for years, I like the swirl stuff. I’m not sure what it fights but I hope it’s poverty. I’d like to brush my teeth and give back.
8. Ultraviolet $3.6m (My rank: #7, $1.0m off)
UV rays provide melatonin too I think. It’s one of those deals where you’ve got to take the good with the bad. Don’t throw out the bath water with the baby, re-use it to make pasta for the fam (minus the baby you just chucked).
9. The Pink Panther $3.6m (My rank: #10, $.4m off)
The Florida panther is almost extinct. They’ve even brought California mountain lions in to help with the breeding. But think about it, then what you got? A Cali-Fla mountain panther where it’s only flat. Leave it to the city hall guys.
10. Date Movie $2.5m (My rank: Not Ranked)
Gene Shallot’s take “It’s not a date movie, it’s a GREAT movie!” You just know that jerk off is pulling down six figures while I make ramen noodles.
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