Three movies go wide this weekend but one goes wider than the rest. Tim Allen‘s new venture has almost 500 more theatres than any other film. Why? Because a wider net will capture more suckers. Sadly this grenade approach to fishing will work and the worst movie ever will win the top spot. Let’s break this thing down anyway, just for old time’s sake.
You won’t believe how much I hate Shaggy Dog. Man is it bad. My review will be posted soon so I can’t really get fully into but let’s just say I consider a pretty good sign of the end of the American empire. I almost went temporarily blind, and if I had I would have been glad the pain stopped. Yes, it will win the weekend. You should really see it.
Failure to Launch is our next contender and it boasts the sexiest man alive as long as you don’t look too far. Heck I can even think of another Matt who’s sexier than that guy right now, Dakota boy Matthew Skager. Regardless I’m not here to argue semantics. I’m here to argue that the chick from “Sex and the City” shouldn’t be in romantic comedies. Why? She’s not romantic. She may be funny but 50 percent isn’t good enough for the big bad Oracle.
The last newbie is The Hills Have Eyes. B-Love liked it well enough and it could beat Shaggy Dog per screen but when you are spotting a film 1000 extra screens it gets tough to open numero uno. I don’t make the math rules, I just follow them. So that’s your weekend – You may want to spend it knitting. Regardless I’m morally obligated to bring you the top ten films of the weekend. I’ll also try and include angry words for your viewing pleasure.
1. Shaggy Dog $23.8m
2. The Hills Have Eyes $17.4m
4. Eight Below $11.6m
6. Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Reunion $5.4m
7. Ultraviolet $4.6m
8. Aquamarine $3.9m
9. Dave Chappelle’s Block Party $3.5m
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