This weekend the public proved it has very little taste while reaffirming its hate for old Uncle Laremy one last time. To all of you who went to the family reunion thing instead of the Chappelle thing I curse you and all of your offspring. We have you people to thank for the decline of cinema quality. I’d blame the fall of western civilization on you too I’m not sure it would stick. I’m steamed like a clam so let’s get this mutha started while the vitriol is still wicked nasty.
1. Madea’s Family Reunion $13.0m (My rank #1, $4.6m off)
I come to you, I pray to you American public, and what happens? Nothing. So screw you American public, I do it myself from here on out.
2. 16 Blocks $11.6m (My rank #2, $4.6m off)
I’m not too fired up about this one, I feel okay, no cold shower needed. No, uh, medication, no straight jacket required, I uh.. aargh, I’m becoming Stewie.
3. Eight Below $10.2m (My rank #5, $.4m off)
Dear Diary, today I went with mom and saw Eight Below. Then I ate crayons and she got REALLY mad. Now I’ve covered myself in play-do and am waiting for her to check up on me again. I could really use a chocolate milk over here.
4. Ultraviolet $9.0m (My rank #4, $2.5m off)
So me and Milla are out to dinner, right, get this, and she’s like “listen if you don’t put a ring on this finger I am so dipping,” so I had to go like “sister, you and I both know Zooey and Kate B are lining up to take your spot, don’t get all Mussolini on me,” and then she didn’t say anything the rest of the night but I DID have to sleep on the couch.
5. Aquamarine $7.5m (My rank #6, $1.3m off)
Dear Diary, today I went and saw Aquamarine with some of the girls. We talked about boys and although I think they are kind of icky Martha said she’d made out with one and it wasn’t so bad. I still love N’Synch though!
6. The Pink Panther $7.0m (My rank #7, $.3m off))
I loved Steve Martin for a long time before the hurt became too deep. After the one where he has a dozen kids I just couldn’t keep up the lie anymore. Steve, you broke my heart.
7. Dave Chappelle’s Block Party $6.5m (My rank: #3, $5.5m off)
The Laremy Legel kiss of death continues for movies I dig. If anyone wants to pay me to hate their flick I am ready willing and able. It only costs a few pennies a day to feed just one me.
8. Date Movie $5.1 (My rank: #8, $.9m off)
If I were the president I’d tell people to kiss my grits all the time. “Call up Russia,” I’d say. Then they’d get on the line and I’d be like “Enriched Uranium?? Well Kiss my grits!”
9. Curious George $4.4m (My rank: #9, $.4m off)
Come and knock on my door… I’ve been waiting for you… where the kisses are hers and hers and his… three’s company too!
10. Firewall $3.6m (My rank: #10, $.6m off)
I’ve already seen the adult version listed, it’s Fire Butt, or wait, was it Wall of Butt? I may be selling my immortal soul with this column, and so cheap too!
Here is the Myspace info. Pop it, then rock it.
