2006 OSCAR NOMINEES: The Shorts!

ON

I’ve just taken the CONTENDER reigns off of Dre’s hands and they are feeling mighty fine. Right now I’m mixing the power of the pen with the sweet elixir of the Internet to bring you something spicy.

Okay, let’s see now, do I have a funny way to get into this puppy about Oscar shorts; say a mixed metaphor that teaches us a little about life while bringing on an LOL moment? Hmm… crap… as usual I’m feeling like a strike out victim. Oh wait – how about this one: Have you ever been tied up in the middle of an “Adult game” ready for the pleasure to start? Your tasty partner is off in the other room shouting what she’s going to do to you like Sienna Miller in Layer Cake. The suspense is unbearable right?

Likewise when you are tied up after a drug deal gone wrong you’d like to keep the suspense going a few more months, please God don’t let that dude come back in with the baseball bat and the bleach. Let’s just all take a safety time-out, eh guys? This is what the Oscar nominated shorts are like, sometimes they are unbearable from start to finish; sometimes you’d like them to last forever. Dre, I hope I’ve done you proud.

The first lesson of short films is that they have long credits. It’s a strange thing to behold, watching a fourteen minute film with two minute credits. This would be comparable to a full length film showing fifteen minute credits. I don’t know, maybe everyone deserves credit no matter how small the work. I know I plan on thanking people for a few paragraphs at the end of this bad boy.

Okay, let’s do this thing; your shorts must be getting in a bunch by now.

OSCAR NOMINEES FOR SHORT FILM (live action)

THE LAST FARM

Grade: C+
Running Time: 16m 10s
Origin: Iceland
Credits Percentage: 2.27 percent of movie
Plot: A man on a farm gets a phone call from his daughter who is planning on visiting soon. The man is elderly and clearly owns the farm. Hilarity doesn’t ensue.

Commentary: This film strays towards boring because you’ll see the end a few minutes in. On the plus side it has a cool ending and only 22 seconds of credits.

OUR TIME IS UP

Grade: A
Running Time: 14m 38s
Origin: U.S.A.
Credits Percentage: 17.08 percent of movie
Plot: Dr. Stern (played by Kevin Pollak) is a psychologist with a host of troubled patients.
Commentary: Very well done, this film mines the comedic excellence of the counseling scenes of Mr. and Mrs. Smith while making a great point about the meaning of life. I’m sad this one wasn’t turned into a full length film. It’s highly watchable.

THE RUNAWAY

Grade: D+
Running Time: 23m 34s
Origin: Germany
Credits Percentage: 8.49 percent of movie
Plot: A man is stopped on the way to work by a kid claiming to be his son. His day gets worse from there.
Commentary: Ye Gods, it feels like 45 minutes. It’s got some good momentum at the end but I don’t think drama is the way to go with the shorts. It’s hard to build up huge regard for the characters in so little time. I could’ve used a few more laughs. Bleak.

CASHBACK

Grade: A
Running Time: 18m 8s
Origin: England
Credits Percentage: 16.54 percent of movie
Plot: The story of a late night grocery worker and how he and his co-workers pass the time.
Commentary: They should’ve called this Morph Movie because it weaves from hysterical to serious and back around again. A really well done short by a guy who clearly has distinctive voice.

SIX SHOOTER

Grade: A
Running Time: 28m 3s
Origin: Ireland
Credits Percentage: 7.13 percent of movie
Plot: A man loses his wife and boards a train with an annoying youth.
Commentary: This short is quite the mind screw. It seems fairly boring more than two thirds through and then all kinds of crap starts going down which wraps the film very well.

So that’s that. Three real good films and two a bit below average. Who will win? Who should win? Let’s go to the tape!

WHO SHOULD WIN: Cashback – It has heart and laughs galore, innovation of theme and plenty of female breasts. There is nothing to hate about this one. I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to pop for the two bucks on Itunes. Tell em large Marge sent ya.

WHO WILL WIN: Our Time is Up – I’m new at the Oscar prediction biz but I’m taking the film with Kevin Pollak in it. That’s just me, that’s how I roll. I won’t be too upset either, it’s a funny effort in a short package.

Tune in Oscar night when, for the first time in history, a few people will have actually seen the nominated short films. Don’t forget to be My friend.

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