Box Office Wrap Up: Dec. 2 – Dec. 4

It was a pretty slow week for señor Hollywood but Potter stayed numero uno. Aeon Flux came out swinging at number two even though they discriminated against us critics. The Ice Harvest dropped out of the top ten even though Billy Bob’s former wife has now had her adopted children adopted by Brad Pitt. I was sure that equaled box office magic.

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire 20.4m (My rank #1, 10.4m off)

20 million wins the first weekend in December. It’ll take 80 soon enough my pretty.

2. Aeon Flux 13.1m (My rank #2, 7.8m off)

This used to be a cartoon and then they brought in Charlize to make it a reality. I’ve got a cartoon too babe, look me up.

3. Walk The Line 10.0m (My rank #3, .7m off)

The official wife of the Oracle said “ooh, I liked that movie”. What more can you say?

4. Yours, Mine and Ours 9.6m (My rank #4, 1.2m off)

Remarkable staying power due to a beneficial release date. That’s why they pay those release date guys so much dough.

5. Just Friends 5.6m (My rank #7, .6m off)

The sequel is called just married. That’s so lame I just coughed extra loud.

6. Pride and Prejudice 4.6m (My rank: #8, 1.1m off)

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Prejudice isn’t deadly, merely venial.

7. Rent 4.5 (My rank: #6, 1.3m off)

The rent didn’t get paid! Zowie!

8. Chicken Little 4.5 (My rank: #5, 1.5m off)

I heard someone say this movie was depressing. In their defense they were drunk.

9. Derailed 2.4m (My rank: #9, .7m off)

It’s back to back ninth place finishes for Derailed! You won’t see that on the DVD cover.

10. In the Mix 1.9m (My rank: Not Ranked)

I actually like Usher. I could’ve been his agent. I’d call people up and be like “it’s time to Usher in an new era over here!” They’d eat it up.