Welcome to the first weekly installment of BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS. In this segment I’ll fearlessly offer conjecture on the pulse of American cinema predilections. Will I be dead on? Most likely not. Will it be fun to see where I fail? Possibly. Let’s get to it!
1. Serenity 17.5m
If Serenity was a stock I’d be buying. I think the “Firefly” fandom will turn out in force to give the film some box office momentum. The massive ad blitz will also help.
2. Into the Blue 15.3m
This number is based solely on the amount of people willing to put up with a sub par movie to see some Alba skin.
3. Corpse Bride 9.5m
Week two of Corpse Bride will be its swan song before it drops off into the murky abyss. Thank God it only cost $20 bucks to make. What’s that? They had guys working round the clock for six months with puppets? Hmm…
4. Flightplan 8.5m
Now that everyone knows the twist ending of the plane crashing into an active volcano due to a microwave malfunction this film should see a steep decline.
5. Roll Bounce 5.7m
The sequel to Dodgeball is not doing nearly as well as everyone expected.
6. Just Like Heaven 5.2m
Got a blind date? Want to see if she’s clever? Take her to this. Any more than five laughs and you’ve got a vegetable.
7. History of Violence 4.5m
I’d rather watch the “philosophy of Violence” or even “Tool Time with Violence.” History is too dry, you know?
8. Exorcism of Emily Rose 4.2m
Now that everyone knows the twist ending where Emily becomes a day time talk show host this movie will sputter to eighth.
9. The Greatest Game Ever Played 3.7m
They are opening it wide but there just aren’t enough under twelve golfers to float this puppy.
10. The 40 Year-Old Virgin 3.7m
The word on the street is the sequel is being written now entitled The 41 Year-Old Guy’s First Divorce.
