The Love Guru Sneaks at ShoWest

While most attendants at this year’s ShoWest convention knew that they would be getting an early look at a rough version of DreamWorks Animation’s upcoming animated film Kung Fu Panda, they probably didn’t realize that Paramount would be giving them a sneak peek at Michael Myers’ first live action comedy in over five years as they showed four clips from The Love Guru, coming out this summer. (Check out our new still from the movie, as well pictures from Ben Stiller’s new comedy Tropic Thunder and Kung Fu Panda via the Film Database.)

The surprise was revealed as DreamWorks CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg was telling the audience about how much success the company has had with the “Shrek” franchise which was given a screening at ShoWest seven years prior and that he wished Shrek could be with him now. Michael Myers walked out on stage and stated that he was there as good luck for Katzenberg, and then started hitting on Katzenberg to try to embarrass the CEO in front of the audience. Myers then took the microphone to talk about the movie and he introduced Jessica Alba as “the mother of his child,” and she came out, looking very pregnant, to chide him for lying like that and the two of them started riffing a bit about how entertainment journalists would print whatever they say without fact-checking, they pimped the movie a bit more and then stepped aside to let the footage speak for itself.

The first clip introduced Myers’ Guru Pitka as he appeared in front of an admiring audience of his followers for him to give his spiel, talking about the five points of his ashram, which spelled “E. I. E. I. O.”, and talking about his mentors, all gurus with long silly names that acted as double entendres like Guru Tugginmypudha (played by Sir Ben Kingsley) but he focused specifically on one whose name sounded like Guru “Has A Small Wiener” and his sayings, a few which he recited, noting how they got somewhat cruder as he became crazy from syphilis.

The second clip opens with the Guru Pitka and his man-servant performing a duet on sitar and acoustic guitar–sorry, I can’t remember what song they were playing–but then Alba’s character Jane enters, looking hot as always, which Pitka points out: “You look breathtaking… as do I.” He asks her if she’s hungry and claps his hands for them to bring his meal. They sit at a table and he offers her a local delicacy from his country, which is two lychees in a pocket, an Indian dish lovingly referred to as “Nuts in a sling” and sure enough, the exotic food item looks like a pair of testicles. His servant then asks if they’d like their nuts to be crushed, at which he starts beating them with a hammer as Pitka winces with each hit, and then the servant takes them and starts dipping them in a pot of boiling water. Pitka asks Jane if she’d rather have soup and she immediately says “Yes” so he declares “Alligator Soup and make it snappy!” then goes about explaining the double entendre for anyone who didn’t get it.

The third clip introduced Justin Timberlake’s character Jacques Grande, a Canadian hockey player, who Guru Pitka and his trusty man-servant seem to be stalking. Jacques drives up to his mansion in a flashy white sports car with a red rooster emblazoned on the hood, pulling through the mansion gates, which also have a rooster on them. Pitka tries to sneak onto Grande’s mansion complex hiding behind a bush with his transport elephant obviously not being quite as obscured.

We see Justin doing a fairly weak attempt at a Quebec accent as he attempts to woo a very fine looking Meagan Good, suggesting they watch “Fried Green Tomatoes” before telling her his back story, that everyone thinks his mother is a hooker and his father is a lumberjack because he’s from Quebec–in fact they are–before he starts serenading her with a Celine Dion song, and he offers her a “Quebec pizza,” which is a pop tart with ketchup. (It’s not a very funny bit, to be honest.)

Meanwhile, Guru Pitka is approaching the house and he sees a sign that reads, “Warning: Guard Rooster!” and sure enough, there’s a rooster that Pitka has a stare-down contest with while Jacques continues his wooing completely oblivious to the tussle going on outside, as we see Pitka struggling with the rooster, getting away before being dragged back into the fight as feathers fly everywhere. Pitka finally wins out and exhausted, he throws himself against the glass patio doors, covered in blood and feathers with the rooster’s head between his teeth, scaring Good’s character.

The final clip was actually a Bollywood musical number of the Guru Pitka playing the Steve Miller Band’s “The Joker” on his sitar as various scenes and gags rapidly cut together in succession with lots of Vern Troyer. Towards the end, Alba appears dressed in Indian garb with dancing girls behind her to sing one refrain of the chorus.

As far as my opinion on whether the clips were funny, well, let’s just say that Myers isn’t branching out too much from the “Austin Powers” movies so if you find that stuff funny, you’ll probably laugh at this as well. Really, the only thing that had me laughing even a little was the fight with the rooster just because it was so outlandish.

You can decide for yourself when The Love Guru opens on June 20.


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