HELLRAISER’s malevolent cenobites listed from the worst to the best.
This writer just celebrated a birthday and, thanks to my editor, Im indulging myself and my love of Clive Barkers HELLRAISER mythology with my take on the franchises cinematic cenobites. How will these members of Leviathan’s order weigh in? Who will reign supreme and who should stay-put in the stinking bowels of hell?
10. (The Worst) HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS – PINHEAD (the Stephen Smith Collins version). Who thought a D-movie remake of the original HELLRAISER would be a good idea? Maybe the corporate bigwigs who wanted to maintain the rights to the franchise. REVELATIONS was thrown together faster than a hooked chain could yank out your soul. This makeshift PINHEAD looks terrible. Sadly, no revelation here.
9. HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH – CAMERAHEAD. Really? First of all, technology has no place in hell! This is the first film that was not a U.K. production and sadly the film suffers for it. Admittedly, CAMERAHEAD almost came in at rock bottom; the dude looks like a rejected member of the terrorist organization COBRA. Say cheese!
8. HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH CD HEAD. Okay, he looks sort of original, but one can’t help imagine some powwow session with producers sitting in a dank, smoke filled room saying; “Hey…does anyone have any sweet ideas for new cenobites? I’ll take anything you’ve got…”
7. HELLRAISER & HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II BUTTERBALL. This odd duck was brought to life by Simon Bamford, and is now infamously creepy and mysterious and his existence alone begs for its own backstory. What’s the story behind those eyes? Pure horrific beauty and he’s part of the original quartet. Respect!
6. HELLRAISER IV: BLOODLINE ANGELIQUE. This gal is a nasty and beautiful beast and is the BLOODLINE showstopper. ANGELIQUE is such a badass that she even helped the toy maker create the Lament Configuration Box, the key to the cenobite realm. Sexy and sinister, ANGELIQUE has such a screen presence that she almost pushes PINHEAD to the back burner. Almost.
5. HELLRAISER – THE ENGINEER. One the of the few non-humanoid looking cenobites. This beast is really an enigma of gnarly parts and hellish mechanisms. A guardian of Leviathan, the ENGINEER is truly something you don’t wanna mess with. Kirsty marginally escapes its clutches with barely the skin still on her back.
4. HELLRAISER & HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II – FEMALE CENOBITE. Played brilliantly by two talented ladies, first by Grace Kirby in HELLRAISER and then by Barbie Wilde in HELLBOUND. Both actors brought forth their A-Game, adding a charming nastiness to PINHEAD’s original motley crew.
3. HELLRAISER & HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II CHATTERER. Coming in at third and for obvious reasons. This cenobite (played by Nicholas Vince) is simply a badass and incredibly terrifying. Next to PINHEAD, CHATTERER is the shit; in many ways he is stylistically superior and just as iconic as his boss. One can never forget those clinking teeth; pure dread!
2. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II – DR. CHANNARD. He of the Channard Institute was a baddie even from the get-go; Phillip was a terrible human and a horrible doctor. He was born with right amount of cenobite ingredients to make him the ideal agent for Leviathan. As a cenobite he single handedly dethroned PINHEAD and wiped out his officers. CHANNARD could even rival Leviathan, but in the end he proved to be too eager and was laid to waste.
1. HELLRAISER to HELLWORLD PINHEAD. As if you didn’t know that Doug Bradley’s iconic horror hero wouldn’t clinch the mantle of apex cenobite. He is so popular that Clive Barker wrote his latest novel THE SCARLET GOSPELS to give PINHEAD a proper send off and even pit him against paranormal detective Harry D’Amour (from LORD OF ILLUSIONS, a.k.a. THE LAST ILLUSION).
Anyone want to share their thoughts?