Review: In Which We Fall in Love With Nurse 3D for All of the Wrong Reasons


Nurse 3D poster

file_177221_0_shock-score-6.90x72I’m just going to give it to you straight about Nurse 3D. There’s no point attempting to deliver a complex criticism of this lurid Single White Female-esque thriller because it’s not a very complex film. It’s a movie for the “bad movie” enthusiasts. Those purveyors of sleaze and bloodshed. Those very special people out there with very special tastes that embrace “the awful” and know how to have a little bit of fun.  Someone like me, for instance. I had an absolutely great time relishing Nurse 3D’s unapologetic attitude and execution. Others out there? I can see why you won’t like it.

But let me ask you this: Have you seen the trailer? If you’ve answered “Yes,” my next question is: Did you like it? If you’ve answered “Yes” then good job! You know what you’re getting into and will likely enjoy the movie as well! If you’ve answered “No,” then you probably should skip this.

Nurse 3D is nuts. Within the opening few scenes, star Paz de la Huerta – who has a penchant for spending a good portion of the film bottomless with all of the guilt-free freedom of a 3-year-old running rampant on the beach sans a bathing suit – confesses she’s a slut and massacres unfaithful men.  And we see her partake in a few grisly kills with gleeful ease, purring her way through a voice-over that’s straight out of a pulpy tale of a femme fatale. The narration is colorful and pornographic and it not only sets the campy tone, but it rests the film squarely on the shoulders of De La Huerta. She carries the movie along just fine. Yet it’s not because of her acting chops – which are highly questionable – it’s really because we’re all so eager to hear how she delivers her next line (“Sound sick” is a current favorite line reading). Everything about this woman is outlandish and mesmerizing.

De La Huerta’s Abby Russell is a nurse by day and a man-eater by night until she meets Katrina Bowden’s Danni, who she develops an unhealthy relationship with – one that involves bad decisions, a three-way, photographs and blackmail. When Danni ultimately rejects Abby’s advances, the story takes a De Palma-esque turn and Abby begins to set Danni up for a string of murders.

My oh my, is Nurse 3D ludicrous. There are some "facepalm"-worthy one-liners and Abby’s actions go from 0 to 11 in a bonkers final act. Further, it has Judd Nelson playing a horndog of a doctor who is sleeping with most of his nurses. (Look for a cameo by Kathleen Turner…although you can see her in the damn trailer.) And if you want some more joy, you’ll seen Martin Donovan, once again, playing a dirtbag in the form of Danni's stepfather. There's plenty of Boris Kodjoe to go around as a detective investigating the trail of bodies Abby is leaving behind, too.

Story-wise, Nurse 3D is adequate. Douglas Aarniokoski keeps the pace brisk and the direction lively. One is left wondering through the viewing experience what it is about Nurse 3D that lends itself to the actual “3D” technology. I can’t give you a clear answer, but I’ll say it enhances the visual gags and sundry kills and amputations.

If you’re a regular reader of this fine site, you’ve likely heard a producer describe their film as “an elevate horror movie.” Nurse 3D is an elevated late-night Cinemax sex thriller with a woman with daddy issues (naturally) and a lot of bloodshed. It’s zany, often very funny stuff, man. Highly entertaining…you know, if seeing everything I’ve just described is your thing. See it with a crowd if you can.

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Weekend: Apr. 25, 2019, Apr. 28, 2019

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