Review: El Monstro Del Mar

We pick up with three lovely, heavily tattooed young ladies cruising around in the middle of nowhere on a beautiful day. When they have some car trouble, Beretta (Nelli Scarlet), Blondie (Karli Madden) and Snowball (Kate Watts) appear to be rescued by a couple local guys who quickly propose a jaunt to a secluded swimming hole. 

The locals stumbled upon the wrong women. Without warning the trio slit their throats and steals their car. They hit the road again and stop in a rundown Oceanside town. There they plan to unwind a little and soak up some sun. 

Soon the ladies meet the elderly Joseph (Norman Yemm) and his granddaughter Hannah (Kyrie Capri). Joseph tells them to stay out of the water and suggests that leaving immediately is in their best interest. Of course this tough threesome doesn’t listen to cranky old dudes. They take a dip before having themselves a party, doing their best to corrupt young Hannah. 

Between Hannah and Joseph, the town’s history is shared. 15 years prior it was a lovely place to live with plenty of fishermen and families. Then something in the water killed almost everyone. Only a few survived and stuck around. 

Eventually, after what feels like hours despite a running time of only 72 minutes with credits, the creature emerges from the ocean to attack again. It has long, ferocious tentacles that devour anything in their path. After Snowball falls victim to it, Beretta and Blondie join forces with Hannah and Joseph to kill the monster once and for all. 

The main problem with El Monstro Del Mar is the leading ladies. They are insufferable and excruciating to be around. Their banter is completely obnoxious. And other than a brief flashback to a bloodbath where they killed some other guys, we learn absolutely nothing about these women and why they are fond of slaughtering males. If they are righting past wrongs or just killing for kicks, it’s never even hinted at. 

It does have its moments. There’s a nifty bit where the action transitions from B&W to color right as the first guy’s throat is slit in the beginning. And the pace does pick up a bit at the end. When the sea beast finally does go on a rampage, there is quite a lot of gore. The effects are mostly practical and pretty good, utilizing puppeteers to portray the tentacles. 

Some decent carnage in the last stretch and a few chuckles are not enough to compensate for the annoying leads, the painfully slow pace and the unsuccessful attempt to mix intentional absurdity with melodrama and horror. That’s a tough balance to pull off and it just doesn’t work here. The end result is fractured and bizarre. 

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