Box-Office Wrap-Up: May 12 – May 14

ON

The only real shocker was how much MI3 won by and how hard Goal sucked tailpipe. It was another winning week for The Oracle, vote for me in a congressional district near you any day now. Also check out the bottom half of my predictions where I nailed Hoot (not sexually) and was $.2m or less off on three of those bad boys.

1. Mission: Impossible III $24.5m (My rank:#1, $2.7m Off)
The second and last week this one should win. That crazy religious one should win next week… oops, just stirring up more controversy over here. I think the reason we who feed off the biz try and drum up scandal is because the whole scene would be really boring otherwise. So in reality we are kind of owed for being muckrakers, rakers of muck.

2. Poseidon $20.3m (My rank:#2, $6.3m Off)

It crashed! It was hit by a MI3 wave! Man, I can’t understand why Gene Shallot doesn’t finally get diagnosed? He’s clearly crazier than a chicken coop come feed time.

3. RV $9.5m (My rank:#4, $2.4m Off)

Question: If Robin Williams were shot out of a cannon directly into a brick wall would it be funny? I say “yes” because that guy is funny doing anything.

4. Just My Luck $5.5m (My rank:#3, $3.4m Off)

NOT a huge debut for the buxom strawberry party gal. If she needs consolation she can stop by the congressional office. I don’t think Prairie home launches here either, but somehow I get the feeling she can be the one real actress to come out of the current teen starlet crew. I’m not even kidding. Maybe I just have a soft spot for redheads. Them and Dobermans.

5. An American Haunting $3.6m (My rank:#5, $.1m Off)

Haunt this! Seriously, on the Shallot thing, you don’t find him a little nuts? Mildly insane? And yet there is NBC rolling him out every month. Where do I apply for the stupid pun job? I know I could be as mindless and vapid if given the correct drug cocktail. Hell, I’d even do it in a swimsuit so you got more pun flesh for your dollar.

6. United 93 $3.5m (My rank:#6, $.1m Off)

I always have the toughest time with this blurb, maybe we could have a contest or something where the winner gets a candlelight dinner with me. What’s that, no entrants? Hmm.. well how’s about we give away a trampoline? Even this angry old man likes bouncing.

7. Stick It $3.2m (My rank:#7, $.2m Off)

Rooney has a song called “It Goes to Bed.” I’m a fan. Not very relevant though. Maybe I’m the one who needs help, man in the mirror and all.

8. Ice Age: The Meltdown $2.9m (My rank:#9, $.6m Off)

Melt this! Man, this episode is really falling off the map, only two movies left to salvage this monster.

9. Silent Hill $2.2m (My rank: Not Ranked)

Silent Hill was another in the long line of cheap horrors looking to make a quick buck. These films will continue their barrage until we stop eating the poop.

10. Hoot $2.1m (My rank:#10, DEAD ON)

I say we round up all the owls and cap them in the head. Too harsh? Okay, put them on a list and we’ll protect them I guess. That will work too.

Here is the MySpace info. Pop it, then rock it.

Box Office

Weekend: Sep. 27, 2018, Sep. 30, 2018

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