Vampires

Many horror fans are as sick of vampires as they are of zombies, for good reasons. Movies (and TV shows) about each are never-ending, and it’s rare that something avoids tiresome genre clichés. Most are content to regurgitate the familiar.

Belgium’s Vampires attempts to present a fresh take on the genre by embracing another overdone trend: the mockumentary.  The dark comedy manages to be quite amusing for a while, but it runs out of steam around the halfway point. It probably would have been better off as a short film.

In Vampires, some documentary filmmakers set out to document the daily life of a family of vampires. Things do not go well at first. The vampires eat the filmmakers as soon as they walk in the door. A few years later different filmmakers try again, with the vampires promising to not dine on them.

In many ways, the vampires are a normal middle-class family with normal problems. Parents Georges (Carlo Ferrante) and Bertha (Vera Van Dooren) are dealing with a sullen teenage daughter, Grace (Fleur Lise Heuet).

Grace does not enjoy being a vampire. She loves a human and wants to return to their ranks. Frustrated with her life as a bloodsucker, she keeps trying to kill herself, but of course she is unsuccessful. Grace’s brother Samson (Pierre Lognay) is more than annoyed with her antics and they bicker like any other siblings would.

The biggest laughs come from Georges casually, and frankly, explaining what their day-to-day life is like. They are fed society’s undesirables, mostly illegal immigrants and minorities (that may not sound, but it is in the context of the movie).

They also have what they refer to as “Meat” living with them, a human female that serves as food whenever they are hungry.

Vampires are like us in some ways. Younger vampires attend school, where they learn about vampire history and watch films like the recent low-budget slasher flick Midnight Movie (to learn how to laugh).

Their approach to relationships is different since they can’t get pregnant or STDs. They have open relationships and practice incest.  They also have a leader, who appears to have been turned at age 12. He makes and enforces the rules, which includes never sleeping with his wife.

At a certain point, it becomes clear that Vampires has very little story. After being fully introduced to their world and routines, nothing much interesting happens. And when the family needs to suddenly move out of the country due to something Samson does, it feels perfunctory, like the filmmakers really didn’t know where to take things after a certain point.

There are a few solid laughs scattered throughout, mainly in the first half, but Vampires is too slight. The screenwriters should have developed more of a story, or at least a compelling character to follow. There’s really not a lead in the traditional sense, so viewers have no reason to become invested in anyone or anything they do.

Vampires can be as boring as the rest of us. And in this instance, they are, though not in the way the filmmakers intended.

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