Top Ten Worst Movies of 2012 (That I Saw)


The Apparition

Ashley Greene in The Apparition
Ashley Greene in The Apparition
Photo: Warner Bros.

The most alarming thing about The Apparition is that it was ever looked at as a finished project. This film does not have an ending as much as it simply ends and it does so after a series of non-sensical situations take place from possessed security cameras and killer bed sheets.

If you were to ever wonder, however, why this film was made or even released, just look at the picture above and click here and all will be revealed.

REVIEW SNIPPET: (read the full review here)

Clocking in at 74 minutes (not including end credits), the only thing scary about The Apparition is that any studio would think to charge you to watch it. This supposed supernatural thriller is a hollowed out shell of creaky noises, shadows and utter nonsense. There is little doubt as to why this film sat on a shelf for over a year, waiting for an empty weekend to con unsuspecting moviegoers out of their money, but if you end up paying to see this don’t be ashamed to ask for your money back.

The Raven

John Cusack in The Raven
John Cusack in The Raven
Photo: Relativity Media

The Raven fails on a myriad of levels, serving as a dissatisfying whodunnit with wooden performances and uninspired direction from James McTeigue whose work on V for Vendetta was either a mistake or 100% the result of working under Andy and Lana Wachowski.

REVIEW SNIPPET: (read the full review here)

The Raven counts too heavily on the gruesome presentation of the film’s murders to carry the weight of the film’s menace, forgetting that we need to actually care about the characters in distress if we’re to feel anything or care about the mystery at the film’s core. McTeigue is clearly all flash with little substance and if you need any more evidence of this just sit through this film and then tell me just what the hell the closing credits are supposed to represent.

Alex Cross

Tyler Perry in Alex Cross
Tyler Perry in Alex Cross
Photo: Summit Entertainment

Is it a film or is it a Cadillac commercial? Had it been edited down to a 30-second television spot then maybe there would have been some measure of enjoyment, but watching the trailer before writing up this top ten proved even a commercial would have been a chore.

Alex Cross, as I wrote in my review, is one of the worst written, edited and directed movies I’ve seen in some time and considering this served as my introduction to Tyler Perry in a full-fledged role, I can say I’m starting to understand why none of his films are ever screened for critics.

REVIEW SNIPPET: (read the full review here)

Curiously, the trailers boast the film as being from screenwriters Kerry Williamson and Marc Moss, the latter of which is the only one to have ever written a screenplay before and that was 2001’s Along Came a Spider, another film centered on James Patterson’s fictional Alex Cross character that effectively ended Morgan Freeman’s turn as the character after two films.

Now, had I written this script, I would have taken my name off of it. Then again, perhaps that’s the goal of the marketing, as if Summit is saying, “Don’t blame us, these are the people responsible for this drivel.” And, to be fair, Williamson and Moss are only part of the problem. Director Rob Cohen should be revoked of his director license.

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