Top Ten Worst Movies of 2012 (That I Saw)

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#9
Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax

Dr. Seuss' The Lorax
Photo: Universal Pictures

I looked through my lists of worst films from prior years and this is the first time an animated movie has made the top ten, but if one deserves it it is The Lorax. I’ve never read the Seuss short story from which the film is based, and now I certainly never want to. Here an animated movie was turned into an opportunity to push an environmental agenda and if you thought Avatar was over the top you haven’t seen anything yet. Of course, the agenda was only part of the problem I had with this movie, but it’s certainly what stands out more than anything else.

REVIEW SNIPPET: (read the full review here)

“Ugh, get me away from this tree-hugging nightmare,” is what I imagine hardcore environmentalists would even say after watching a film that beats its environmental agenda so far into the ground that it loses all semblance of being a story and instead turns into an ugly piece of propaganda. And I say this as someone that believes environmentalists are doing nothing but good for the Earth, but when a film becomes so focused on pushing an agenda, it runs so far away from clever that it becomes an annoying front steps sit-in. No thanks.

Oftentimes I look at the Fox News crew and think they are insane in the way they judge some forms of entertainment. Their recent attack against The Muppets was ridiculous, but when it comes to The Lorax I say have at it.

#8
Piranha 3DD

Danielle Panabaker in Piranha 3DD
Danielle Panabaker in Piranha 3DD
Photo: Radius-TWC

I debated whether or not I should include this on the list. Is a bad film that knows it’s a bad film actually a bad film? Is such a film a film at all? I’d argue Piranha 3DD is less a film and more a mistake.

I should note, however, going against one of my first rules when creating this top ten, I actually watched Piranha 3DD twice as I listened to the audio commentary on the Blu-ray to come up with my 9 Things I Learned Listening to the ‘Piranha 3DD’ Audio Commentary Plus a Drinking Game article. It was worth watching for the article alone, especially considering I learned the only reason I gave the film a “D-” instead of an “F” was the only part of the script not written by the film’s credited screenwriters.

REVIEW SNIPPET: (read the full review here)

There are some solid pieces of schlock material inside here, which is why a certain amount of alcohol is necessary to dumb you down to the proper maturity age to “enjoy” it all. Watching it with three other people in the comfort of my living room wasn’t exactly torture, but that’s only because we share the experience and every minute or so one of us would pipe up and say, “This is truly awful!” or “Why did she jump in the water?” or “How did this get made?”

#7
Trouble with the Curve

Clint Eastwood in Trouble with the Curve
Clint Eastwood in Trouble with the Curve
Photo: Warner Bros.

Trouble with the Curve gets started as Clint Eastwood dribbles a few drops into his toilet and follows that up by swearing at his penis. Later in the film he yells at the daughter (Amy Adams) he abandoned after her mother died, which I have so delicately captured above. Don’t worry, there’s a reason he abandoned her and it has nothing to do with his penis or computers, which seem to be only three of the things that will set his character off in a movie that belonged on Lifetime with a far less accomplished cast than was assembled here.

REVIEW SNIPPET: (read the full review here)

Clint Eastwood hikes up his pants yet again to play an aging curmudgeon who’s every bit as “Get off my lawn” as Gran Torino‘s Walt Kowalski, but instead of racism he’s battling his deteriorating eye sight and his poor parenting skills. As Gus, a scout for the Atlanta Braves, Trouble with the Curve finds Eastwood grumbling his way through a film where he has no time for the “Interweb” or his daughter for that matter. His job is on the line as something called computers (heard of these?) are making scouting baseball talent easier than ever before. Yes, it’s old school vs. new school. It’s a schlocky anti-Moneyball that turns into a father-daughter story on its way to an overwrought ending. In short, it’s insufferable.

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Weekend: Oct. 17, 2019, Oct. 20, 2019

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