11:56:58 PM: Damn, T-Bag’s accent is awful. Why not cast a Russian actor instead of this idiot?
11:58:15 PM: Dougray is hip to the fake assassination.
11:58:57 PM: Here we go, a little ass.
11:59:52 PM: Hitman grabs Olga by the neck says she is coming with him. She says she can’t and talks in Russian then asks, “Where you taking me?” He tosses her in the trunk! Nice first date, they are bound to fuck sooner or later.
12:00:24 AM: Now he has her tied up to a chair, this is about to get all kinds of unrated methinks.
12:01:09 AM: She is dating Belicoff?! Reveals he has doubles. The plot thickens…
12:01:49 AM: She tattoos her face because it is the only place Belicoff won’t hit her. Hitman likes her now because they have a connection, that being head tattoos. It’s a match made in hooker/john heaven.
12:02:13 AM: They are teaming up, because he loves her, he just doesn’t know it yet.
12:03:12 AM: Dougray is smarter than everyone.
12:03:57 AM: Hitman is on the run and blending in with the public nicely, the only distinguising features being a bald head and a bar code on the back of it. He’s like a ghost.
12:04:30 AM: Oh shit, #2 is there too! And Hitman #1 puts on a hat! Fuck, he’s good!
12:05:21 AM: Luckily he stops to look at #2 to let him know he is there which neutralizes the disguise, good call. Now the FSG is there and Interpol and two Hitmen. This is going to be intense.
12:07:24 AM: #2 finds #1, chases him, gets shot in the head. #1 gives a great one-liner, “Stay here!” What a cheeky bastard that Hitman is.
12:08:15 AM: Here it is, the ultimate scene that lets you know how bad this movie is. Hitman in between three other hitmen… guns pointed and no one shoots.
12:08:49 AM: Hitman says, “How about dying with a little dignity?” You know what this means. SWORDS!!!!! I laughed just typing that.
12:10:25 AM: Where is the dignity in a sword fight?
12:11:08 AM: Black hitman has #1 by the feet, gets kicked in the head and choked with his own belt. Talk about dignity.
12:12:06 AM: #2 is coming to, I guess he wasn’t shot in the head. Hitman says it’s just beginning and now kills him. Was there a reason he didn’t kill him earlier? Oh, and Olga is there too.
12:12:59 AM: Now it’s the black Interpol agent’s turn to die because we are coming up on the midway point in this movie and black people aren’t allowed to live longer than that in a movie.
12:14:10 AM: Oh man, Dougray gets shot and black guy gets off with an elbow to the back that leaves him incapacitated. Olga asks Hitman not to kill Dougray. He listens, “She saved your life.” Dougray doesn’t even say thanks.
12:15:03 AM: FSB is trying to cover up the incident, Interpol ain’t playing that shit.
12:17:05 AM: It’s raining and Hitman lets Olga out of the trunk. An intense conversation is underway. Hitman can’t allow Olga to interfere. She tells him she doesn’t have a reason for Hitman not to kill her, that translates to “I have a vagina and that is all I am good for.”
12:17:38 AM: UNRATED ALERT! Olga is getting whipped by Belicoff! Shit, that might have been in the original release also.
12:19:01 AM: Hitman’s going to take a nap. He tells Olga, “Stop talking or I will put you back in the trunk.” Are we supposed to laugh or is this telling us how much of a badass Hitman really is?
12:20:59 AM: We move to Moscow – Russia, not Idaho.
12:22:00 AM: Hitman is using a bluetooth headset, those just exude hi-tech, especially the one he is using with the blinking blue light. Remember the season of “24” where that was the cool thing to do?
12:23:10 AM: Off to Istanbul, I think I just saw Carmen San Diego.
