2006 WRAP-UP: Brad's Look Back

We are putting 2006 behind us, at least until we cover it yet again with the 2007 Oscars, Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild Awards, and I have prepared a list of my musings from the past year, what I am looking forward to in 2007 and what I never want to see again. I do this because I apparently think you care. Someone please deflate my ego!!

The Actress I Would Most Like To See More Of: Last year this would have been Keira Knightley but I am afraid she has just gotten too damned skinny. Eat something woman! Therefore the gauntlet has been passed and is now carried by none other than Natalie Portman and luckily it looks like we may have up to as many as five different opportunities to see her on the big screen this year. Hells yeah to that!

The Actress I Would Like To See Less Of: Thanks to the continued barrage of insanity and stupidity I don’t want to ever see anymore of Lindsay Lohan… EVER AGAIN!!! As a matter of fact please get rid of all of the Hollywood starlets, their entourages and their enemies. Yeah, “enemies” was thrown in there to rid the face of the Earth of the likes of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

The Actor I Would Like To See Less Of: After All the King’s Men I could do without anymore Sean Penn. This guy has had some outstanding performances, but with King’s Men and The Interpreter as his most recent roles he has grown to bring the sour taste of bile in my mouth.

The Director I Need More Of: Michael Mann! Michael brought us a disappointing Miami Vice and I am not sure how long I can stand waiting for a film from him to erase that memory.

The Director I Need Less Of: Clint Eastwood fits this description. Yeah, there are plenty of idiots directing horrible throw away movies like Little Man, but I am tired of everyone shining Eastwood’s rod just because he has made good films in the past. I loved Million Dollar Baby, but that doesn’t mean that Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima are automatically brilliant! The HFPA gives him two director nominations and dismisses Alfonso Cuaron altogether? What has happened in Hollywood?

Best Pee Scene of 2006: Cate Blanchett in Babel. Peeing never looked so painful.

Best Nudity of 2006: Barbara Nedeljakova in Hostel. Hello Barbara.

Best Gore Scene of 2006: The eye ball scene in Hostel takes the cake. This was a horrific scene!

The Worst Use of Dogs in 2006: Eight Below is not only the worst use of dogs, but also one of the worst movies of the year. How did this movie make $81 million at the box?

The Movies I Don’t Want Anymore Of: Those damned ______ Movie’s. By this I am referring to Scary Movie, Date Movie and the upcoming Epic Movie. Talk about movies just begging for money with their “unrated” DVDs and moronic jokes. A child could write these movies, and if you are thinking, “Then why don’t you do it?” Because I HATE them! Just as Hollywood hates you when they make these piles of shit.

Surprise of 2006: Even though I hated Eight Below, Paul Walker pulled off the surprise of the year that same month with Running Scared. Talk about a great performance in a brutally violent, yet highly entertaining and emotional movie.

The Wasted Nude Scene of 2006: Salma Hayek in Ask the Dust. Salma, if you are going to show audiences everything you have please be sure to do it in the sunlight and in a movie that is good.

Best Non-Nude Picture of 2006 that doesn’t even matter that it is non-nude: Salma takes this one too, with a picture that if you ask me later I just might think she actually wasn’t wearing anything. Are you kidding me with this.

Best Gun Shot of 2006: Even though the movie sucked Miami Vice had one of the greatest bullets to the brain scenes anywhere accompanied by one of the greatest “I am going to kill you” speeches of all-time when Det. Gina Calabrese played by Elizabeth Rodriguez says:

That’s not what happens. What will happen is… what will happen is I will put a round at twenty-seven hundred feet per second into the medulla at the base of your brain. And you will be dead from the neck down before your body knows it. Your finger won’t even twitch. Only you get dead. So tell me, sport, do you believe that?

BANG! Fantastic!

Best Claustrophobia Scene of 2006: That scene in The Descent. Fuck, I started breathing heavy just watching that scene.

Worst Case of “Americans Need a Happy Ending” in 2006: Once again… The Descent. If you haven’t seen the original ending then you need to.

Worst Line in a Movie in 2006: “You kept me alive,” by John McLoughlin played by Nicolas Cage in World Trade Center. This movie tugged at your heart strings and didn’t go for sappy until the final minutes and this quote. It really hurt the movie for me.

Biggest Let Down for a Studio in 2006: This is a toss-up between Snakes on a Plane and Slither. One film was counting on Internet build up way too much and the other just faded off for a reason I still can’t quite figure out.

What We Don’t Need in 2007: Another inspirational football movie. This year had Invincible and We are Marshall. In 2007 I am hoping we can give baseball another shot.

Best Quote of the Year: This is tough, however they are all from the same movie… The Departed. It really is hard to figure between Wahlberg and Baldwin here, but Wahlberg as Dignam takes the top spot with this one:

Oliver Queenan: Do you have any idea what we do in our department?

Billy Costigan: As a matter of fact, I do. I…

Dignam: Let’s say you have no idea, zero, none. If you had an idea about we do we wouldn’t be good at what we do now would we? We would be cunts, you callin’ us cunts?

This line was actually the inspiration for our new Quotables Section in the RopeofSilicon Lounge.

Best Trailer of 2006: Uh, 300… I think we all knew that, and if you didn’t click here to get in the know.

Best Scene that I Could Only Watch Half Of: When Borat and his producer, Azamat Bagatov begin to wrestle naked. Sorry, I could not keep from closing my eyes and then I also couldn’t keep from watching. “My moustache still tastes of your testes!” Niiiiice.

The Biggest Disappointment of the Year: Universal Studios for not promoting Children of Men and The Good Shepherd better. I am going to be frustrated for the next two months at the fact these two films are not going to get the attention they deserve.