Box-Office Oracle: May 12 – May 14


Poseidon vs. MI3 this weekend and I’m still hemming and hawing over a decision. It’s a close race. A silly action movie against a decent action film. A disaster movie against a bona fide PR disaster. A completely unlogical and enjoyable plot versus a completely unlogical and unintentionally hilarious plot. A self proclaimed Maverick on the sea versus a former Maverick in the air. Okay, okay, I’m out of quips plus no one knows what the hell I’m talking about anyway. If you want some in depth knowledge you can check out the two movie reviews here and here.

It’s gonna be a close one. Let’s prognosticate this mother.

1. Mission Impossible 3 $27.2m

I’m giving the razor slim victory to the better film, but it’s really more of a guess than anything. The crystal ball is in the shop along with my ’84 Jetta.

2. Poseidon $26.6m

Hey guys, what say we head on out of this here boat? Yeah. Well, it seems to be sinking but whatever, you stay here if you want. No, it’s not a “Republican” thing Mom, Jesus, you make everything overtly political. Great, just sit there and drown then for all I care.

3. Just My Luck $8.9m

Didn’t screen it. I invoked a little known reviewer rule, code 42A in the handbook which states “You aren’t obligated to see romantic comedies unless there is a clear and viable hope for booby.”

4. RV $7.1m

No rules kept me from this one, just a healthy desire to not rip my flesh off.

5. American Haunting $3.7m

I just think commenting on our current geo-political situation should be less tongue and cheek. Besides, we don’t actually give the finger to the UN, we give the finger around it. You’ve got to respect semantics.

6. United 93 $3.4m

Matsui just broke his wrist and I don’t know whether to laugh or laugh.

7. Stick It $3.0m

I’ve tried imploring people to see this but I just come off like a weirdo. I guess pitching Amway at the same time is foolhardy.

8. Goal $2.5m

GOOOAAAALLL! Just wanted to do a little World Cup should out in print.

9. Ice Age: The Meltdown $2.3m

I’d like to meltdown all the gold bricks I’ve been saving up. Then I’d drink the liquid gold and finally fulfill my destiny as Gold Man.

10. Hoot $2.1m

I’ll tell ya the hoot, the idea that was this was going to make money on this planet. Maybe Mars, but not here guys. Get your planets straight.

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Weekend: Nov. 15, 2018, Nov. 18, 2018

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