The Oracle took another beating this weekend, so much so that people are starting to call me “misinformation mike”. Whatever people, you think it is easy clocking the Oracle clock every Friday and Sunday, delivering for you the adoring public? It’s not. It involves spreadsheets, crystal balls, and séances where Lucille Ball interrupts waaaay too often. My point is when a movie like Hostel essentially doubles my projection I get a little ornery. Was the movie that much different from Wolf Creek? Clearly it was.
I’d also like to doff off my cap to Grandma’s Boy which made a paltry $1500 per screen to finish 12th. They marketed the hell out of that one and the general public said “eh, no thanks.” The other terrible opening was by Blood Rayne (the one about Pandas) which finished 19th. Theoretically me and a few of the boys playing basketball on a handy cam could’ve finished 19th. Our craft services budget would’ve been a lot less too.
1. Hostel 20.1m (My rank #4, 7.0m off)
I was right that it wouldn’t take much to win the weekend; I was just off on the name of the movie. Accuracy costs extra around here.
2. Chronicles of Narnia; The Lion, The Witch, and The Warddrobe 15.4m (My rank #1, 3.9m off)
I don’t really think the staying power is due to anything besides lack of titles. If this were summer Narnia would have disappeared like my abs.
3. King Kong 12.4m (My rank #2, 6.5m off)
I’m no longer interested in Naomi for Oscar, that’s a given, I’m interested in Naomi for president. You’ve got to aim high in the new millennium.
4. Fun with Dick and Jane 12.2m (My rank #6, 1.4m off)
They are up to $81m with a supposedly flawed film. Hey everybody I’m a flawed writer! Where do I pick up my $80,000,000?
5. Cheaper by the Dozen 2 11.6m (My rank #8, 2.3m off)
They are up to 61m with a flawed film. This is the miracle of advertising; these are the tastes of children.
6. Munich 7.4m (My rank: #5, 4.5m off)
An anagram of Munich is Chumin’. That’s how you catch the fish my landlocked friends!
7. Memoirs of a Geisha 6.0 (My rank: #9, .4m off)
All further comments on this matter will be handled by my attorney.
8. Rumor Has It 5.8 (My rank: #10, .3m off)
They are up to $35m and that’s before all the DVD sales with an unrated topless Kevin Costner.
9. Brokeback Mountain 5.7m (My rank: Not Ranked)
“I wish knew how to quit you” is the new hot phrase being used by Hollywood elites. Pass it on.
10. The Family Stone 4.6m (My rank: Not Ranked)
It’s not relevant but I would love to see a “Great American Hero” remake. A puffy haired superhero who can’t land is exactly what America needs right now.
Check out Laremy’s vanity project here.
