Today I figured I’d take part in pure Internet journalism. I mean, didn’t you hear? Kelly Marcel, the writer of the pilot episode of the now-cancelled television show “Terra Nova” has been hired to write the filmed adaptation of the best book ever… “Fifty Shades of Grey” by one of this generation’s most influential authors, E L James.
“Grey”, which began as coveted “Twilight” fan fiction, follows the relationship of 27-year-old billionaire Christian Grey (to be played by the as-yet-unannounced hottest actor ever!) and college student Anastasia Steele (to be played by the other hottest as-yet-announced actor ever!).
Subsequent novels in the series, “Fifty Shades Darker” and “Fifty Shades Freed” explore the couple’s deepening relationship and by “deepening” I think you know what I mean. If you don’t here are some quotes from “50 Shades of Grey” courtesy of F News Magazine, but beware, these might not be safe for the workplace. That is, unless you work in a brothel or on a porn set:
“The muscles inside the deepest, darkest part of me clench in the most delicious fashion.”
“Suck me, baby. His thumb presses on my tongue, and my mouth closes around him, sucking wildly. Holy fuck. This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic.”
“My insides practically contort with potent, needy, liquid, desire.”
“I gasp, and I’m Eve in the Garden of Eden, and he’s the serpent, and I cannot resist.”
“My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”
“My inner goddess looks like someone snatched her ice cream.”
“I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”
“Hmm… he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty…”
The Internet is on fire and raging as hot as Anastasia’s loins with this news. Marcel also wrote the 2011 Black List script, Saving Mr. Banks, telling the story of Walt Disney’s twenty-year pursuit of the film rights to author P.L. Travers’ novel, “Mary Poppins,” and the rocky relationship that formed between the two. If anything says sexy it’s Walt Disney and Mary Poppins. It’s no wonder Marcel was called on for this gig. Though, to be fair, it’s Marcel’s “passionate commitment to emotion, humor and depth of character” that got her the gig according to producer Michael De Luca.
Co-producer Dana Brunetti (The Social Network) added, “We were all taken with the depth and passion of Kelley’s engagement with the characters and world E L James has created and we knew she was the right person to augment our Fifty Shades family.” By the way, if you weren’t aware why the producers of the film are important, I detailed that already right here.
The more crafty of the online bunch is pointing to the fact Marcel was an uncredited screenwriter on Nicolas Winding Refn‘s Bronson starring Tom Hardy because that gives her a bit of street cred.
Universal is set to release the film once it is actually written, attached a director and cast and they’ve also acquired Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed, the last of which will likely be turned into a Part One and Part Two and, if Peter Jackson is hired to direct, a Part Three to be titled In and Out Again. Oh man, I can’t wait!
Sounds like this movie is already going to blow the world away! Sight and Sound better be ready as their #1 will soon be dethroned yet again!
NOTE: Yes, I’m being sarcastic with the majority of this article. Yes, the film may indeed by good. I just couldn’t resist writing this up as I saw my Twitter and RSS feeds erupting with people rushing to report this news as if it actually mattered.
