Movie Reviews

The Animal

Reviewed by: Bill Rasco
Rating: 1 out of 10
Movie Details: View here

The Animal (Double Sided)Starring:
Rob Schneider as Marvin Mange
Colleen Haskell as Rianna
John C. McGinley as Sgt. Sisk
Edward Asner as Chief Wilson
Michael Caton as Dr. Wilder
Louis Lombardi as Fatty
Guy Torry as Miles
Bob Rubin as Bob Harris
Pilar Schneider as Mrs. De La Rosa
Scott Wilson as Mayor
Raymond Ma as Mr. Tam

Summary:
He wasn't much of a man... Now he's not much of an animal.

Story:
Marvin Mange (Rob Schneider) wants to be a cop but just doesn't have what it takes so he works as an evidence clerk. One day, while he is in charge of answering the phones, he gets a call and rushes to the scene. In route he has an accident and is rescued by a doctor with a passion for animal experiments. Mange is patched up using animal parts and then set free to go back to his life. After the operation, Marvin is a changed man. He runs faster, feels healthier, and makes it through to become an actual police officer. But his life is not all it was. Marvin is struggling with intense animal urges and must return to the doctor for advice on how to gain control. Throw in Colleen Haskell as the girlfriend, Ed Asner as the police chief, and a couple of strange friends with personal issues and there you have it.

This film is rated PG-13 for some crude and sexual humor.

What Worked:
I guess Colleen Haskell could have been worse (she could have carried the script in her hands).

What Didn't Work:
This is the biggest "no see" movie of the summer. Yes, I expected gross out humor based on any disgusting characteristic that is portrayed in nature. There was the marking of territory, eating out of the garbage, and even a scene of personal grooming with his tongue, but Schneider has outdone anything that I've seen in quite a while. Most of the things alluded to in this movie are probably illegal in most states. Bestiality being the biggest target for joke material. It all adds up to one huge bomb. There are very few truly humorous scenes. I wouldn't be surprised if teenage boys walked out on this one.

The acting stunk. And I mean all of the acting. It was surprising to me that even the big names like Ed Asner were so lousy in this movie. We expect some of the new comers to bomb but nobody really looked good here. It's just not worth the price of a ticket. Norm Macdonald makes a cameo appearance and is pretty funny, but even he misses the chance to do a huge survivor joke. Let's just say his character is holding a torch and gets thrown out of the mob... The writing is just not up to par and the plot shows it.

Speaking of the plot...there isn't one. If you've seen the trailers or commercials then you've seen everything this movie has to offer. I wouldn't pay for this one at the dollar theater. Don't rent it or go to a friends house to see it. If someone offers to pay for you then immediately call the police and report an attempted assault. Can I be more specific?

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