Ugh, Will You Go See ‘Scary Movie 5’?


Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan in Scary Movie 5

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan in Scary Movie 5
Photo: Dimension Films

Dimension Films sent over the following two TV spots for Scary Movie 5, which hits theaters on April 12 and comes with a PG-13 rating, which has become a rating trend following Scary Movie 2. Considering I couldn’t muster up the self hate to watch anything beyond the first one and the third one (which I reviewed back in 2003 before I knew any better) I haven’t seen Scary Movie 2 or 4.

This fifth installment is directed by Malcolm D. Lee (Soul Men) and features a fleet of second rate talent including Ashley Tisdale, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Snoop Dogg, Katt Williams, Molly Shannon, Terry Crews, Simon Rex, Jerry O’Connell, Sarah Hyland, Katrina Bowden, Tyler Posey, Shad Moss aka Bow Wow, Kate Walsh, Heather Locklear, Mac Miller and Mike Tyson.

The film spoofs films such as Paranormal Activity, Mama, Sinister, Black Swan and Evil Dead and even finds a way to toss a little Inception parody in there.

Depending on your own level of self-hatred I invite you to watch the two trailers below and let me know if you have the nerve to actually spend your money on this trash. Anyone out there up for defending films like this being made when this money could be spent on something better?

I’m not talking about the defense that you may find this mildly humorous considering you could say that about any other bad movie out there with nut-crushing jokes. Or even a defense this just might make the studio money… I’m talking about legitimate interest in what you see here in terms that you would rather see Scary Movie 5 or films such as InAPPropriate Comedy or Movie 43 over nearly anything else.

It’s easy enough to look on and say, “Eh, doesn’t look that bad. I would probably watch it as a rental.” If you wonder why people contemplate the death of cinema, it’s because of movies like this where not even the throwaway phrase “mindless entertainment” is adequate. The word is “trash”.