Box-Office Wrap-Up: July 7 – July 9

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No, I didn’t have Pirates breaking the all time record for an opening weekend which it did fairly easy. Kudos there. Now the real game will be how well it holds up. The initial number is dartboard work, it’s those second week numbers that are all about tuning into the general public’s whims. I think it will do well with not much drop-off at all but if you listen to critics both Superman Returns and A Scanner Darkly are better films overall. That’s pretty much why the only critic I respect is me. Let’s recap!

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest $132.0m (My rank:#1, $19.9m Off)
I don’t usually pump up other seers but the dude over at Lee’s Movie Info.com just came within .8m off the final number. That’s incredible. He should almost retire now while he’s still on top.

2. Superman Returns $21.9m (My rank:#2, $4.5m Off)

Absolutely murdered in week two. From $52m to $22m is a nasty slide, there is now no one in the known universe who would call this a success. Not even Routh’s mom.

3. The Devil Wears Prada $15.6m (My rank:#3, $.3m Off)

We are going to see a week in the near future where Prada beats Supe. This is what’s known as a regressive curve. I think. I don’t remember much math because I was reading Movie Oracle sites in class.

4. Click $15.6m (My rank:#4, $7.1m Off)

How in the world did it go from $40m to $20m and then to $15m this weekend?? That’s not how trends work! Did all the families of the cast and crew decide to wait until week three? Really and truly this number makes no sense and I’ve got to think it’s voter fraud.

5. Cars $10.3m (My rank:#5, $2.0m Off)

Total haul: $205m. That’s a lot of pizza parties for the Pixar camp. I’m guessing we’ll see a few more movies out of them. All in all my evil boycott had absolutely no effect.

6. Nacho Libre $3.3m (My rank:#6, $.8m Off)

If this one didn’t have Jack Black it would have been considered artsy. Which makes Jack Black the American antitheses of art. Weird.

7. The Lake House $2.8m (My rank:#7, $.7m Off)

So this means like 350 thousand people saw it this weekend. That’s one out of every 90 Americans. You probably don’t even know one of these viewers. But ask around, see if anyone knows them or if they are just shut-ins who wear aluminum foil on their heads and wait until the sixth weekend to see something.

8. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift $2.4m (My rank:#8, $.8m Off)

The drift has a great user rating too so we’re all united. Sadly it hasn’t cracked $60m yet total so I’m not sure we’ll ever get to see that “Topeka Illegal U-turn” fourth version at this rate.

9. Waist Deep $1.8m (My rank:#10, $.9m Off)

This one switched with The Break-Up to deny me a perfect top ten. I guess that was kind of a last parting gift to me for completely ignoring it.

10. The Break-Up $1.6m (My rank:#9, $.4m Off)

No producers have contacted me about the Jolie-Anniston comedy but I know it’s coming so I went ahead and submitted a treatment for it. That way I can sue when they do come around. Tune in next Thursday evening to see how much Pirates will win its second weekend by.

Box Office

Weekend: Sep. 20, 2018, Sep. 23, 2018

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