Box-Office Oracle: June 2 – June 4

ON

The only new one this week is The Break-Up, a madcap comedy and Jen and Vince’s fake relationship. A true story about their real relationship probably would have fared much better because we are all star struck Americans at heart. For my part I really like Vaughn, he is comedy gold wherever he shows up, which makes his Psycho remake that much more confusing. Okay, okay, it was eight years ago and it was probably during a “serious” moment in his career where he was finding deeper meaning and other such nonsense. Take it from me VV, don’t dig for deeper meaning if the surface stuff is paying your Ferrari bill.

#1 movie predicted correctly: 5 Weeks In A Row

1. X-Men: The Last Stand $46.4m

It wins again and X-Folk all over the world cry out in protest. Over the past few weeks I’ve come around to their line of thinking more and more. Plus I found time to finally read the Dark Phoenix saga which makes this one look like it was done in crayon.

2. The Break-Up $25.1m

I saw it and reviewed it and I still am left scratching my head like that one time that bastard Ed McMahon failed to show up for the fourth time.

3. The Da Vinci Code $15.8m

What if the code was something cooler like what happened to Hoffa? The guy I mean, not the movie. Actually wait, I have no idea what happened to either of them.

4. Over The Hedge $15.6m

If the hedge was being average than this one certainly got over it. If the hedge was getting me closer to various supermodels well then I’m sorry guys, we’ve got to call this one a near miss.

5. Mission Impossible 3 $3.5m

I’m all about redefining what’s possible. At this point I’m pretty convinced I could fly, I could touch the sky, if I could only miss the ground one little time.

6. RV $2.8m

We still haven’t reviewed and you have my solemn promise we never ever will. Take that to the bank my tortured brothers.

7. See No Evil $2.8

Evil is not knowing wrong and running with it, evil is believing completely in what you’re doing and failing to see the harm you’re inflicting. Whoa, I just read that one back and it feels far more like philosophy than a joke. Hey, I’m as schocked as you.

8. Poseidon $2.6m

They don’t all drown, the brave white ones get out. So you can rest easy there.

9. Just My Luck $.8m

With any luck some real movies will start opening soon and push these guppies out of the pond. I hate guppies and I hate tadpoles if there is a difference. Basically anything small that swims around like man juice is not high on my list.

10. United 93 $.6m

Who knows with these small dollar amounts. I’m just proud to be American, where at least I know I’m sorta free.

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