Box-Office Oracle: Apr. 28 – Apr. 30

ON

Four new ones this week that will sprinkle around the top ten like little dandruff flakes. Somehow I’ve got make sense of it all even though I would rather just use Pert Plus and be done with it.

The first contender is RV which, based on the trailers, looks to be made for chimps beamed directly from the past. Have you seen the trailers? It’s about a fucking RV. That’s really all I got, that’s my time, don’t make me think of this one even one more second.

The next batter is United 93 which is all about an airplane that.. man, I just can’t do it. I can’t dish on this one because it is damn depressing. I’m going to try a little quip in the ranking, but that’s the limit for talk on this particular piece.

The third of the hapless bunch is Akeelah and The Bee which is essentially the brave story of a little speller that could. I loved the true one about all the spelling, Spellbound, but I’m not sure who the heck was clamoring for this guy. If you’ve seen one little kid learning you’ve seen them all.

Next up is Stick It, probably the most entertaining out there but in about six theaters. The history on these teener tween films is pretty shabby too, they live on in pop culture but they don’t make bank. Kind of like me.

1. RV $18.2m

I’d say it’s really sad that this is the number one film of the weekend but I’m just praying it actually is. It’s got to be right? You’re still dumb general public, aren’t ya? Don’t let me down you bastards!

2. Silent Hill $9.7m

This is the one that screwed me over last weekend. I’ve got it second again. I don’t know anymore, this whole Oracle thing is spinning out of control like that lost “mayhem month of meth”.

3. United 93 $7.7m

I just don’t think people want to see a movie about this kind of thing. Plus if you google “Loose Change” that guy says the flight was all fake anyway. I wouldn’t go that far but I will say I don’t really want to catch this one because I’m sad enough without outside stimulus.

4. Akeelah and The Bee $7.7m

I caught this one, review here, and I still have no idea who the intended audience is. People who like spelling? This one feels DOA no matter the quality of material.

5. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown $7.2m

I’d implore parents to take the kids to this instead of RV but then I’d be shooting myself in the foot. Being the Oracle is like wading into international politics with a G.E.D.

6. Scary Movie 4 $6.8m

Doesn’t anybody remember laughter?

7. Stick It $6.1m

Pretty risque title isn’t it? Especially for a movie about nuns. Ye gods.

8. The Sentinel $5.7m

At home I used to read a newspaper called the Sun-Sentinel. I guess the idea was that it heralded the sun or something? Who knows, it was a younger gentler time.

9. The Benchwarmers $4.0m

The thing is they aren’t warming the bench, they are clearly playing ball, which MAKES YOU ALL LIARS!!

10. The Wild $3.9m

Sinking like a stone, sinking like a stone, all you folks involved with this one pack up and go home. THUNDERDOME.

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Weekend: Sep. 20, 2018, Sep. 23, 2018

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