When a Stranger Calls won the weekend just like the Oracle said it would. I’m back to picking winners folks! I may head to vegas for some type of Oracle gambling binge. People always win when they go to Vegas! Okay, I’ve already used my alloted amount of exclamations for this column, it’s only the facts from here on out ma’am. Unless you are some burly dude in your basement drinking straight whiskey. Then it’s like “Whazzup HOMEY!!”
Let’s wrap this up!!
1. When a Stranger Calls $22.0m (My rank #1, $2.8m off)
You’ve got to like that prediction if you are an accuracy type of fellow. I called it blind too, I never screened it or nuthin’. That’s right folks, sometimes Oracle does it with smoke and mirrors a la Dave Chappelle.
2. Big Momma’s House 2 $13.3m (My rank #2, $.9m off)
Whose house? Momma’s house! Did anyone else watch “Martin?” I thought the show was decent but the I really liked the theme song… “Martin.. Martin… Martin… you so crazy!!”
3. Nanny Mcphee $9.9m (My rank #3, $2.2m off)
I tried out nannying for one summer but it all ended badly once I got propositioned. No way was I cleaning diapers.
4. Brokeback Mountain $5.6m (My rank #6, $.2m off)
I heard an evil rumor that these cowboys were sheep herders. Can someone confirm this? Were they sheepboys?
5. Hoodwinked $5.3m (My rank #8, $.8m off)
That sequel is looking bigger and bigger. So big in fact I bet we review it and everything. Maybe throw in an interview or something too. It’s all for you, the loyal fans.
6. Underworld: Evolution $5.1m (My rank: Not Ranked)
Who the hell didn’t rank this? C’mon, guys, let’s get the Oracle team together for a team meeting. This is freaking ridiculous. From here on out we work weekends and through lunch, whatever it takes. You miss another #6 pick, hit the bricks man cuz you are outa here. 2nd place is a set of steak knives.
7. Something New $5.0m (My rank: #7, $.2m off)
DUDE, I NAILED this one. A new movie, I hit the rank and was within four percent. That is just nasty. Good job team! Take lunch off.
8. Annapolis $3.4 (My rank: #10, DEAD ON)
I nailed the dollars though. That’s what my bonus plan is based on so I’ll be setting hundreds on fire again when that check rolls in. On that note why haven’t the studios caught wind of The Oracle? You’d think I’d have a corner office, a bimbo secretary and be taking lunch with Clooney by now. I guess the world works in mysteriously slow ways.
9. Walk the Line $3.4m (My rank: Not Ranked)
How in the world did Walk the Line sneak back in? I know it didn’t get nominated for best picture so maybe this was a revenge thing. Maybe Walk the Line had a vendetta.
10. Glory Road $3.0m (My rank: Not Ranked)
The third film of the week that didn’t even make my board. That’s a dubious record. Oh, crap, I forgot the former high school classmate of the column.. you ready? Wait for it… Ladies and gentleman Brian Hanley! He had a smooth jump shot. He liked Kenny Mayne I think. Me too, me too. You should as well.
The book has been hella discounted here. You can email me at my first name at the email service google owns. Choose your own adventure.