It’s the week before the killa gorilla. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (or TCoN:TL,TW & TW) hits theaters in a big way with a kid friendly rating. It will win and it will win big. It will run up the score like Texas on Colorado. It will defeat all comers like me at a pie eating contest. Relax and behold the spectacle that is the Oracle.
1. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe $65.0m
The title is too damn long, that’s my real problem with it. The haggard shopping parents will flock to this bad boy like moths to a flame.
2. Syriana $15.7m
Clooney is HOT right now. He’s so hot he missed our weekly “lunch & learn”. C’mon Clooney, I deserve a phone call.
3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire $11.2m
So this Brit gal Rowling writes some books at a coffee shop and retires as a trillionaire. Thanks a lot, now coffee houses will be even more packed with freaks.
4. Aeon Flux $7.0m
Something in flux is undetermined and unstable. That’s your weekly Oracle grammar lesson!
5. Walk the Line $5.5m
Based on Ray and Walk the Line the quickest way to stardom is a drug addiction. That’s a good lesson for the kids.
6. Yours, Mine and Ours $4.5m
Who is still seeing this? Do they know other movies are out?
7. Just Friends $3.0m
I’ve thought it over and Anna Farris was pretty great in the film. We will hold her blameless for how bad it actually is.
8. Rent $2.4m
Can we officially call this a failure? I haven’t gotten the memo but I’m assuming we can.
9. Chicken Little $2.1m
I wouldn’t see this if you strapped me to a cannon ball and shot me into the theater.
10. Pride and Prejudice $1.9m
When I first heard that Nick and Jessica broke up I was angry. Now it’s just vast oceans of sadness. What’s this have to do with Pride and Prejudice? Well if those two crazy kids can’t make it what chance do me and Kiera have?
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