The Worst of 2003

We recently gave you our top 10 of 2003 but what would any year-end list be without the “worst of” selections.

With a year filled with big budget films that under performed at the box-office it wasn’t a matter of finding 10 bad movies as much as it was deciding which ones were the worst.

I think we all will say that Gigli wasn’t great, but it is easy to say that it wasn’t the worst so let’s have a look and see what films made the list.

1. Duplex

2. In the Cut

3. Beyond Borders

4. Paycheck

5. Johnny English

6. The Medallion

7. Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

8. Scary Movie 3

9. Jeepers Creepers 2

10. Hollywood Homicide

Now there are a few honorable mentions and they will spring up in my reasoning.

Let’s start off at the top with the Drew Barrymore/Ben Stiller dark comedy that had me running for the theater doors once the credits started to roll, even though I had wished I had been able to run even earlier than that.

Duplex was as much of a dung pile as any movie I have ever seen where a movie that was supposed to be funny was anything but as the two leads struggled to figure out a way to kill the old granny that was subletting a portion of their newly purchased Duplex. All comedy was lost from the get-go and it is a wonder that anyone could sit through the film and laugh even once, did anyone?

Next we have the Meg Ryan expose where she decided to unleash her 42 year-old bare body to audiences nationwide and even that was just as unflattering as the film itself. If there had been as much storyline as there was Ryan nudity than In the Cut may have been more watchable, but once the shock of Meg Ryan nude was over, so was the interest.

Now we come to the first Angelina Jolie movie to make the list with Beyond Borders. A well intentioned movie that gets lost in the word “fuck” and a struggling love story that all good intentions are thrown out the window along with any applause this movie may have expected. Jolie is a decent actress, but her intensity can be misconstrued as “trying too hard” and that could not have been more evident with Beyond Borders.

Now looky here we have a Ben Affleck flick, and it’s not Gigli. Paycheck was easily 20 times worse than the Lopez/Affleck flick that drew so much criticism earlier this year, not only that, it is a wonder that Uma Thurman, whose stock rose to the top with Kill Bill, could even allow herself to be associated with such a tragedy.

2003 was not the year for Mr. Affleck as Daredevil was a pile and Gigli was beaten to death by critics, and the actor proved that he should not anytime soon be chosen for the lead actor role of any flick. It will be an adventure next year when he takes to the big screen again in Kevin Smith’s Jersey Girl where in Entertainment Tonight’s preview of the film mentioned Affleck and his co-star Liv Tyler without any mention that J-Lo was even part of the cast.

But, enough of Affleck, let’s talk English, Johnny English. The British comic Rowan Atkinson takes another stab at comedy with his James Bond spoof and Austin Powers clone with his portrayal of secret agent Johnny English in a movie that fails to even pull a chuckle from my belly. Boredom set in from the beginning and it was a wonder that I made it through to the end.

And now we come to a man who rose to the top with his film Rush Hour and it’s semi-successful sequel Rush Hour 2, Jackie Chan. His latest film The Medallion not only was uninteresting and devoid of any entertainment value it was the waving of the white flag for Chan signifying his decreasing value at the box-office.

From Chan we swing back to Jolie with her second appearance on our list as she reprises the role of Lara Croft in Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. COL was just as disappointing, if not more, than it’s predecessor as Lara Croft boxes sharks and dives into plastic caverns adorned with electricity. It is a wonder that Jolie has said she wouldn’t say no to a third in the series. Please Angelina, don’t do it!!!

So we started the sequel terror that stalked 2003 we move to two more sequels that should have been left on the shelf with Scary Movie 3 at eight and Jeepers Creepers 2 at nine. Whereas the original Scary Movie was just about unwatchable the lack of laughs in the third film has me wondering just why these sequels are allowed to be made. Toilet humor and gratuitous bra shots of Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson couldn’t help Scary Movie 3, but they may have been able to help Jeepers Creepers 2, which followed “The Creeper” on his latest man eating rage as he decides to torture a bus load of stranded high schoolers, but wasn’t daft enough to avoid that big ole spear, too bad.

Lastly we find Harrison Ford trying to revive a career or kill it as he and Josh Hartnett join up for an aptly named film, Hollywood Homicide. Homicide indeed. This flick could kill an actor’s career just as easily as it could send a rising actor back to film school. Trying to be a new version of Lethal Weapon with bits of humor mixed in with action it fails on every level and runs on and on making you wish you had to use the bathroom.

That covers the top ten but I can’t leave without giving honorable mentions to the following films for their poor representation on the silver screen:

Cabin Fever

Wrong Turn

Mystic River

Gigli

Intolerable Cruelty

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

S.W.A.T.

The Triplets of Belleville