Top 5 MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 Victims That MAYBE Weren’t All That Bad!

Presenting 3 flicks unfairly flayed by the MST3K dudes.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000, the long-defunct cult television program, is the latest property riding a wave of nostalgia to fund a planned revival through Kickstarter. For the uninitiated, the MST3K format has the hosts “trapped” aboard the space-faring Satellite of Love, screening terrible movies from horror and science fiction’s bottom tier while wisecracking on the film’s glaring shortcomings over the audio track. There are additional skits and songs to accompany the screening, but the meat of the show was whatever filmic turkey of the week the Satellite gang was able to capture and the withering putdowns it inspired. Some of MST3K’s targets will never truly scrub off the mark left by their Satellite stomping: The stupefyingly-awful MANOS:THE HANDS OF FATE got a remastered release from Synapse that was free of snark, but Scream Factory’s upcoming THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE blu-ray will include the entire MST3K episode as a bonus feature. It’s for this reason that MST3K’s roastings raise hackles, with critics of the show claiming that every film deserves some measure of respect regardless of how awful it may be. In that spirit, here is a list of five films that generously served as MST3K riff fodder, but maybe kinda, sorta aren’t all THAT tough to watch…

I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF

 

Hammer Studios are generally afforded the credit of modernizing the classic Universal Monsters, even though AIP got to them first—here they plop the curse of the werewolf down onto an angry, angst-y juvenile delinquent played by Michael Landon. Landon’s grump of a character stomps around the beginning of the film in a state of permanent surliness; those moments are heartily mocked by the MST3K crew. Landon’s anger issues land him into therapy, where a questionable doctor summons up the boy’s beastly side through doses of hypnotism. TEENAGE is a cheap and off-book treatment of the lycanthrope mythos, but there is something creepily relatable about a werewolf in a letter jacket stalking high school gymnasiums and California hillsides, as opposed to the usual foggy European moors and castle parapets.

DANGER: DIABOLIK

It’s a crime to see anything by preeminent Italian cinema stylist Mario Bava so shredded by sass, but his DANGER: DIABOLIK was puzzlingly featured for the very final episode of MST3K mark one. DIABOLIK is a comic book spy caper with a ninja-masked cat burglar taking on his police pursuers, and it’s essentially Bond-grade silliness baked with continental flavor (not to mention truly tragic optical effects used during a skydiving scene), but it nevertheless holds an enduring pop culture influence—the swinging Ennio Morricone theme song ‘Deep Down’ was recently covered by Faith No More’s Mike Patton, and the film itself inspired the Beastie Boys’ comedic ‘Body Movin’’ video.

THIS ISLAND EARTH

Chosen to anchor MST3K’s ill-fated theatrical release, the stiff sci-fi of ISLAND, from an era when screen heroes’ attitudes and jaws were glaringly square, was fertile ground for endless japes. ISLAND certainly takes ages to get into outer space, but the brainy, veiny Metalusan Mutant is a shocking end reveal and was striking enough that the Mutant is occasionally seen lumped in with the Universal Monster roster.

LASERBLAST

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sn7Z6b9KxdE

Stop-motion is a lost effects art not appreciated by all audiences, and effects wizard David Allen’s clay-based turtle-headed aliens on hand in LASERBLAST are sure to earn a few derisive laughs. Also a source of mirth is star Kim Milford’s groovy seventies trappings, like his surfer hairstyle and van with giant footprints printed on the sides (?)—a sight from which the MST3K crew make plentiful hay. These knocks aside, LASERBLAST is a modest little fable about a teen who discovers an alien laser cannon out in the desert, and soon becomes addicted to the corrupting power of the destructive instrument. Satisfying explosions abound.

THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN

MELTING is the loopy, goopy tale of an astronaut (Alex Rebar) whose spacecraft passes through the rings of Saturn upon re-entry to our solar system—a mysterious event that causes him to physically and mentally deteriorate upon his Earthside disembarkment. The MST3K hosts goof on the film’s highly dramatic tone (given the carnival-barker title and subject matter) and employment of dumb slasher tropes. The film as a whole isn’t a great deal more than a showcase for a young Rick Baker’s fantastic ooze effects as the enraged lump of candlewax wipes out nurses and random locals, but those visuals alone are more than enough reason to recommend this movie.

What are YOUR favorite perhaps unfairly abused MST3K flick?

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