Now available on DVD
Krew Boylan as Mel
Lindsay Farris as Chad
Rebekah Foord as Kris
Damien Freeleagus as Warren
Will Traval as Dace
Directed by Josh Reed
Apparently in some remote part of Australia, a giant worm-like creature loves to impregnate nubile young Sheilas for some random reason and the water around the area turns others unlucky to go skinny dipping into a creature out of Dario Argento and Lamberto Bava’s Demons.
To say Primal is a bit random is probably an insult to the word. It is beyond random. For the better part of the film, it focuses on a group of friends on a camping adventure gone horribly wrong when one chick takes a dip in a lake and gets infested with some disease that turns her into a rabid animal with huge claws for teeth and constant blood flowing from her mouth.
The weird thing here is that the group decides to stick around at the camp site after her transformation and after she’s killed another one of the group and eats him in front of them. Yeah, let’s not get the hell out of there instead let’s roast marshmallows and shoot the sh*t while our former friend eats another friend. That makes perfect sense. But even after she’s devoured him, attacked the rest of the group numerous times and then infected another, they still don’t leave. Even if their car is caput, you have legs, get the hell out of there.
But we are talking about a horror movie so I guess the people involved wouldn’t do what would come natural to you and me.
One by one, the group is either devoured or transformed into a demon until only one chick remains. Instead of just leaving, however, she decides to go shack up in a cave. There, waiting, is a giant slug monster that has already impregnated one of the other chicks with other weird creatures and makes plans to impregnate her as well.
Why is there a giant, horny slug monster living in a cave? I have no idea. And they make no effort to come close to telling us either. It is just a random series of events that literally comes out of the blue. Everything we see up until that point has nothing to do with horny slug monsters or why it feels the need to knock up anything walking.
Maybe they had some extra film and needed to fill it so after exhausting their storyline with the demon chick and the nonsensical actions of the group of friends, director Josh Reed decided to mind f**k his audience with something that makes no sense whatsoever.
Of course, Reed also doesn’t bother to explain why the water turns people into demons either so I guess it makes sense for any explanation about anything to not be on the table.
While the gore and mass amounts of blood being splattered about will appease some horror fans, the majority will find this clunker confusing and entirely too random. Unless, watching a giant slug creature get it on with chicks is your idea of a good time, which it may be.